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RUN REPORTS (See Hash History Page for Years 2015 and previous years)
Hash Scribe Run Number 1577 20 May 2018
Hares – Dipper/Gobichov At - El Campo Mijas
This was a short (4km) Run in familiar territory. The hares' intimate knowledge of the area served them well and the trail was well marked … as indeed was the signage to the Run start. It began with a loop that took us almost back to the beginning, and indeed for one hasher, Megasauarse literally back to the beginning! The Run subsequently continued to ultimately arrive at the beer stop.
This was most worthy of a mention … at the hares palatial mansion … a punch bowl, cava, beer of course, and lots of food including specially baked Tapas style (ie small) pastries. Oh, and fried egg flavour crisps! The pool was available for those who were brave enough, though this turned out to be only Elvis and French Erection. The weather was just a little too cool for the rest of us!
After a lengthy period the Run continued and we soon arrived back at the circle.
This was taken by our newly elected GM, Flakey assisted by the newly elected RA, Colonic Irrigation. Anniversarios were Rub Her Turd – 310, Colonic - 355, Swiss Roll - 525.
The On On was at El Brujo with the usual excellent food, and the somewhat slow service was countered by the hare having organised with the restaurant to have food on the table when we arrived.
Date: 29 April 2018
Hares: Colonic Irrigation and Five Knuckle Shuffle
Venue: Opposite Tweetsky’s Villa
We gathered for Tweesky Pie’s send-off run now that he’s ‘moved up’ to run with Pearly Gates H3. Our loss will be their gain!
As for our four visitors, we had a ‘Mistress’ ‘In the Kremlin’ (maybe Putin likes a bit of rough play) who ‘Comes More Often’ (probably not in the Kremlin) with ‘All You Can Eat’ (definitely not in the Kremlin).
The trail went down into the campo beside the road, back onto the road, under the motorway, and then down through Syria Heights (speak to Gang Bang to reserve one of the last remaining undamaged plots – value guaranteed to bomb!). We then meandered down along the side of the gully and then back up on blacktop on the other side to the Beer Stop. I got there just ahead of Flakey who was leading the FWBs (Fast Walking Ba**ards). Before moving on, we toasted Tweetsky with his national drink. The ‘In Trail’ was short and boring.
Megasorearse as ‘stand-in’ GM managed the circle admirably (note: AGM in two weeks and new GM needed). The visitors did amazingly well in remembering (with a lot of help from their friends) almost every hasher’s name. Scores for the trail ranged from a few very generous ‘9.9’s to a ‘1’ from Jizzical). The average was 8.something (I think maybe 8.2).
Pepper Grinder: 40
Finish Me Off: 50 (with mug)
Gang Bang: 310
Down Downs went to hashers not wearing Russki/yellow clothes, those wearing furry hats, non-mug holders, trail fowlers, and Community Chest (who was dibbed in, but didn’t hear why).
The write-is a bit sparse here as I was more focused on All You Can Eat’s positioning of her phone – nestled comfortably between her nipples. You probably all thought that the squeals of delight were because she was pleased to hear from you! Stiff Fanny’s phone did ring, but no squeals of delight.
Run no 1530
Torremolinos Bull Ring
Hares: Over and Done With/Bloody Pinocchio
Good Run - 9
Rain in the forecast as we headed Torremolinos way but the Coast only got hit around midnight by strong winds from the south - so another lucky escape on this sunday.
Most of us found the hares and the ale without too much hassle although “market day” with plenty of boot sales and closed access roads to the bullring. The exceptions were Dogs Bollox and Jerry Can, who both got utterly lost and caused a 20 minute delay of the run start!
The hares had been setting 3 runs; a Macho, a Wimps and a Super Wimps trail.
The MACHO took us through the woods and the underpass up the road and back again (
CB!) then in on the left and good trails till we started the long and hard climb up the dry riverbed. Counted 5 of us MACHOS whilst have it on good authority that King Kanute also did most of it but cut out the BS part. Just Say Gwen outrunning this scribe, Smart Arse (visitor), Kindergarden Cop + “redcap (forgot name)! After beerstop into the quarry and up the long trails to the top before heading down the long winding road and under the AP-7 where I saw an arrow leading into the woods. Never found paper again and ended up near Los Molinos Parking - far away from the runsite.
Well , eventually found my way back in but it’s a big BBQ area and it took time. In fact so much time so I got appointed SCRIBE as last person in the circle!
Started with 1 minute of silence for our dear departed hashfriend Tweetski Pie who departed for Valhalla the same morning. He shall be missed!
Visitors from Cyprus “Smart Arse”/WM and Cabin Boy/WM from Buenos Aires were introduced and the circle got into swing.
Anniversarios :Community Chest 135 runs/Up Ya Bum 660 runs and Mary Hinge 50 runs
But no badges to Salmonella Rusdi and Semen Stains as not present.
Mijas H3 AGM Run 2018 in Benahavis on saturday 12th/13th May 2018. Fliers handed out and details on website. Will be another great weekend with walks, runs, fish and chips and all night party. Looking forward to participate even SperMaid in Marocco?
Flakey stepped in as RA and called on Chicken George for being extremely senile. Had only minutes earlier stubbornly insisted there had never been an InterHash in Sarawak, Borneo -but the headband of RHT with “Sarawak InterHash 2010” did the trick and convinced everybody who was right and who was truely senile!
Elephant Arse rendered a “new” song. Had kind of expected “if your girlfriend etc etc” but this song text was different.?
On2 in the Pena Parque Animal where we had good food and wine for Euro 10.
Thanks to the Hares for a super day.
RHT (monday afternoon)
BE READ WHILE SHITTING
ON YOUR TOADSTOOL
RUN NO:- 1567 St Patrick's Day Run, El Chaparral
LEPRECHAUNS - Mick O'Flakey and Paddy O'Jizzical
ANNIVERSARIOS:- Over and Done With 45, Quick Sand 45 and Swiss Roll 520
Forty Nine leprechauns and faerie's dressed in 40 shades of green, met for the Ceiidh
(social gathering) to honour St Patrick.
Six Sacrificial Virgins had been selected to bring favour to the Hares
Off through the forests and glens and into the peat bogs. Some faeries must have had a premonition as they came well prepared in their designer Wellies.
Some were getting racked and were olaganin (moaning) before they reached the first Pot of Gold at the end of the Rainbow, which was gaelic coffee and thimbles of Tia Maria and Baileys.
On through the prickliest of glades and through a reeded bog to the magic spring, where liquid black gold with a bubbly top sprung forth with lovely chocolate buns decorated with Shamrock icing. Truly scrumptious and faerie sized sausage rolls.
Two truly mytholgical dogs attacked Chico under his mothers legs and as she bravely fought them off "Cerberis" the most fearsome took a bite at Community Chest's arm.
Before leaving the magic spring, Paddy O'Jizzical requested a change to tradition and asked that everyone "Whisper" ON ON. We soon found out why. After being led through a deep peat bog, guided by a trail of toilet roll hanging on the bushes (seemingly very useful for Golden Cascade who stuffed it in her pants as she went).
Soon we were under attack by men with shillelaghs blasting little hard balls at us. Stiffany appeared as if by magic to show us the hidden trail across the emerald green lawn towards the woods and safety where the four old stooges had already been diverted by the flying balls, taking refuge in an ale house for their own Craic and a spot of live entertainment (well that's their excuse!).
Safely back from a great and enjoyable run a Magic Circle was formed. The Sacrificial Virgins were summoned and one was asked to explain the brown stains down her leggings. She replied that she had "shit " herself.
A small no. of those present were asked for their mark. Most thought it an impressive effort but two "stooks, acting the maggot" gave it derisory marks bringing the average down to 8.5.
Finally "out on the lash", something approaching thirty of us headed to the local Irish Ale and Fodder House where the black gold pumps forth and what a good craic we had getting well langered until the early morning for some of us, dancing to live music in an oversize pair of wet boots for yours truly.
SLAINTE, your Pixie scribe, Just Say O'When
RUN NO:- 1564 Los Pacos
SHEPHERDS:- Sheep Shagger and Up Your Bum (left to your imagination).
ANNIVERSARIOS:- Pepper Grinder 35; Sheep Shagger 110; Yogi 220; Streaky 445;
Mummy's Boy 600; Up Your Bum 655.
One Tup already lost. Elephant Arse found the wrong Galp Station. Sheep Shagger needs to invest in a new Sheep Dog to herd his flock around the course. With his unusual use of markings, no doubt inherited from Bangkok, we were all over the hills and roads for trails while others were left grazing at the check with a BAA BAA here and a BAA BAA there feeling Sheepish and Lost. Most remarked that there was too much TAAmac for the flock of sheep and this no doubt was also reflected in the score.
At the beerstop it was noticed how the sheep were drinking Softies instead of carrying water.
Off we went on the second course, which was very nice but had been done many times before and the back of the herd were lost once again. One of the Ewes has a little lamb with a golden fleece, who found herself a nice sheepdip to bathe in and came out black and stinking.
Back at the sheep pen The Reverend George Mooney was none
too sheepish in sorting out the Ewes and Tups from the lambs. Firstly the
Shepherds were chastised for the state of the circular Sheep Pen by the
former Health and Safety Executive, Mr Bear. Broken glass, tumbled down
walls and wire fences were strewn about.
One fine specimen of a Tup was brought into the Pen with no skin on his knees and was berated for being over zealous in his duties. Three of us sheep were warned for leaving the herd behind. Two other Tups were brought in for impersonating a Dog (sie) who had run off to the Airport before getting a bone for his 70th Birthday. Pepper Grinder, all wrapped in tin foil, fared much better getting a traditional birthday cake, made with flour, raw eggs, beer and topped with 1001's for his 55th Birthday. Mummy's Boy got his badge for joining the 600 Club and Celebrated with the other Anniversarios.
The much heralded Sheepfest would never have been found in the Nooks and Crannies of deepest Los Pacos if the flock had not followed the Shepherds. The lamb tagine Mummy's Boy had pre ordered and been salivating over, seemed to have escaped the slaughter and had become three little chicken drumsticks with three prunes and a remnant of sauce and a plate over flowing with french fries.
But the money added up correctly and so all went home happy.
BAA BAA, Ewe Scribe, Gweny the Sheep
Run number 1559
21 of January 2018
Hares - Colonic Irrigation and 5 Knukle Shuffle
The hares was blessed with a beautiful sunny day . Run took place in El Coto , near Fuengirola. Some 26 husheres got together , obviously because they had nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon. Run started at 15.00, but some really sad bastards Pepper Grinder and Over and done with , had decided to come even earlier 14.00 because they were really board at home .
What can I say- it was brilliant trail fucked up by the hares ( not enough checks ) , good beer stop with a fantastic view ( not enough crisps )
Brilliant second half ( not enough campo)
But the best of all we lost a Hasher - Phsycodelic , for that hares got an extra point .
Unfortunately Phsycodelic was found some 4 ours later by Swiss rol , so we would have to take point back.
Over all the score was 7,8 - 1
Aniversarios - Desperate Dan -35 runs , Sheep Shagger - 105 , Swiss Rol-515, Mummy’s Boy -595, Sweet and Low 350, Elephant Arse -200, Dogs Bollox -745, Afrodisнaco-255.
Over all good day .
January 14th - 2018
Run Number: 1558
Hares: YOGI and SEMEN STAINS
Location: Near top of Baranco Blanco – the Trail of the Four Lonesome Pines
RUN DESCRIPTION –
The Run Site directions were from the BP roundabout on the A3303 but the HHH sign was positioned by One Tit so that it could only be seen out of the car’s back window; One Tit may be backward occasionally. I commend Yogi for delegating authority but closer supervision was needed. Most people saw the turnoff as a good possibility and Yogi saved the day by the flour arrow on the ground. The wet conditions had still left the arrow intact luckily.
Only pine trees were visible for miles so into the forest we went on the Trail, many runners complete with brollys. It careered up and up and up so I quickly lost sight of most except Shaggerdelic. My little legs were soon last, not an ideal position for reporting on run action. The split trail allowed me to catch up some and there was a general delay at View Point VP-1 [the Seat] to look at the valley below. Shaggerdelic and other girls turned back at this point..
The vertical climb to the highest point split was such fun and easy that I stopped half-way to make a movie clip at an un-official VP.. Two or three people were swanning around after taking the wrong split route and consequently I was no longer last. So VP-2 and VP-3 bit the dust as I accelerated down the track as I could smell the Beer Stop. One or two more photos and I was last again when I reached the Stop.
After suitable refreshments Pussy Galore shortly followed by Just-say-When knew where the false trail did not go and zoomed away into the distance! Wrong... It was the rocky scree track for the downward route and soon the dogs had caught up.. I remember a tricky Check where it may have been marked wrongly but we were soon called back on trail by Just-Say-When, so no lost hashers.
I was viewing the girls up ahead when I was nearly knocked over by a convey of eight Dirt-Bike Roaders. I was finally left with our visitor and we lost flour near the Pylons. He finally found it but we were delayed.. In return, I put him back on trail very close to the end. We must not lose a Virgin! So I did my bit. It is the exercise that counts not winning..
CIRCLE BUSINESS -
Visitors: “No-Name Henry” from New York.
Returners and Leavers: Not celebrated.
Anniversaries: Just-Say-When 290, Shimisky 50, Quicksand 40, Mega-Sore-Arse 15.
Run Score: 8.2
Criminals and their Crimes:
NAMING & SHAMING BY RA COLONIC-
1. Sweet-and-Low: for smoking in the official Circle,
2. Rebore: for performing a “Daly Thomson” and leaping around in skimpy shorts,
3. Swiss Roll: for arriving stupidly early for a 1pm Run and ensuring that she will be “first and last”,
4. Yogi: for performing a Run Recce on an Electric Bike,
5. Rebore: for preventing Up-Your-Bum from ski-ing at her best. He proceeded to slip outside a Restaurant and landed on Bum; the subsequent decision was to eat lunch in Nerja and cancel the ski-ing,
6. Gang Plank: for giving up his prostate to the Cloud so that sex is available again for interested Hashers,
7. Various loving couples for breaking the “Sex on the Hash” rule, namely: a) Justin and Lip Service, b) Pussy Galore and Desperate Dan, c) Elephant Arse and Shimisky,
8. Rebore and Colonic: for hats in the Circle,
9. Too many sick Timeshare Conmen for selling to vulnerable people like myself. Names include Colonic, Gang Plank, Five-Knuckle-Shuffle, Pussy Galore, Swiss Roll, Rebore, Shaggerdelic, Sweet-and-Low, One Tit,
10. People with Asian and Chinese connections for fraternising too much, namely Sheep Shagger, Psychodelic, Gang Plank, Elephant Arse, Quicksand, Colonic,
11. Five-Knuckle-Shuffle: for being last on the Five Km shortcut to the Beer Stop,
12. Lip Service and Sweet-and-Low: for out-of-order conversations,
ACTION BY GM PUSSY GALORE-
13. Mummy’s Boy: for leaving his blind man’s stick behind on another hash,
14. No 50-Run mugs: Too many to name but include Psychodelic.
Hash Scribe: PSYCHODELIC
I thought I had come back to the Costa del Sol,but it appeared more like Costa del Snow
A rather disappointing number of Hashers assembled at Guaro Cemitario to honour our departed Hashers
After the planting of a tree in memory of the departed Hashers and a moments silence for our departed members we set off up the track to the first check which was quickly solved by the FRBs....up.....then down through some beautiful countryside with views of snow on many of the mountain tops.We quickly arrived at the first Beer Stop,where we enjoyed our usual refreshments.On to the trail ,many were confused by a CB which was on someones land.....only half the Pack even got there....back to the Trail .....down and up to the second Beer Stop and more refreshments .By now we had lost 3 or 4 Hashers but the Sick, Lame and Lazy had managed to catch up.The final part took us back to Guaro Village where a Check confused many.......then up again the the start point.
The Circle was by JM Mummys Boy who welcomed many visitors with down downs.
R A Yogi took over and briefly cleansed us of our sins