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                  RUN REPORTS 2007

RUN 1015   30th December 2007  

Hares – Tight arse

 

Last run of 2007! Tite Arse had managed to find a sunny day on the mijas road ready to scale the mountains and rummage in the undergrowth and to get the assembled 30 plus (thatŽs number not

age!) hashers tired, pissed and smelly, sweaty, and smiling! We met at the digger off the roundabout on the mijas road, with clear blue skies, and anticipating a fun run!!!! Tite Arse did not

dissapoint, GM called the circle and obligatory virgin was introduced and the crowd were baying to set off..........lots of

flour, cbŽs, falses, checks were all well marked up hill, down dale, up hill, down dale and up hill, up hill, up hill was the

order of the day, markings were brilliant and alot of effort put in,including a supreme effort by the hare to kill everyone off

on the last hill before the beer stop where lots of whingening and moaning and likening to Kilamanjaroo did not stop the crowd from making it to the

beer stop where we were amply rewarded with beer and cake, before setting off for the second half up yet another hill.

Pack all well kept together and no lost soles by the end of the hash, but lots of heavy breathing (or was that two hashers in the

bushes hmmm!!!)Back in the circle the Hare was blessed with everyone being in a good mood and the high scores came flooding in to praise

a good hash with an average of 8.3 awarded. It was said in the circle that there was some lesbian activity on the hash, and the hashers (particularly hombres) were eager for more

details but this is a sunday and a religious day so some imaginations will have to be kept in waiting until another day!

On On at the Octagon on the Mijas road was brill, lots of food, sunday roast and apple crumble, lively atmosphere and lots of hungry but happy hashers.

ON ON Strawberry Nipples.

 

 

RUN 1012   9th December 2007   La Cala

Hares – Karma & Dipper

Once upon a time in Andalucia, a motley crew of semi attired scruffbags descended upon a rubbish tip behind Mercadona in La Cala. All credit to the Hares however, as this particular rubbish tip, was equipped with, alfresco toilets and a waiting room fully equipped with sofas and chairs, which in itself created a flurry of activity from the assembled hashers, who were all seeking to upgrade their homes. After a considerable amount of pontificating and procrastination a circle was eventually “assembled,” (evidence that hashers do come flatpacked) and with much prompting our GM, “peace be upon him,” managed to carry out the introduction to this particular Hash and to those poor deluded fools who were visiting, or indeed, Virgins. The Hares were coerced into the circle and proceeded to explain the finer details of this epic assault on the local countryside, although one of the Hares seemed to have little or no idea what signs had been used, or indeed what they represented. (Bit of a give away, there Ken!!!).

The run eventually set off into the distance, to find an assortment of checks, checkbacks, (that is a T, Ken) split trails, false trails and such, marked in chalk, flour and paper. There was excellent use of the countryside, a varied, sometimes confusing system of marking and some truly wonderful scenery, all of which was slightly overshadowed by a grinning buffoon lurking around in the pack trying to entice the hashers to try each and every false trail and gurgling with delight at every curse or blasphemy he heard. He nearly fell over laughing when “Bigus Dickus” fell over for the second time. Perhaps Hares should stay in their cars, at the beer stop or gloat from a distance, thus reducing the excess on their personal accident insurance. All in all, it was a very enjoyable, well set Hash. Pat on the back for the Hares, or maybe a knife in the back, if you happen to be “Bigus Dickus.”

The circle was again duly assembled, and with much prompting, mostly from “Gangplank,” our erstwhile GM, “peace be upon him,” managed to perform his duties admirably as usual, with one exception. After introducing “Hash Shit” who led the marking which consisted of a good number of nine’s interspersed with a smattering of three’s four’s five’s and six’s, he reached into his pocket for his abacus and after much deliberation awarded a score of eight point seven!!!!!!! Come on Flakey, dig deep and buy back the negatives, then you can give them the correct average score. He then handed over to his RA’ness, for the purpose of cleansing our souls, or is it arseholes? The RA proceeded to add two more handles to the legend that is the “Mijas Hash,” by christening “Mushy Peas” and “Bigus Dickus.”  At this point, and as a matter of protocol, the RA, who had actually been a grinning buffoon, oops I meant to say Hare, handed over the proceedings to an apprentice “oik.” Said apprentice “oik” then proceeded to make a complete Bolognese of this very reverend ceremony. However, during his rant, he did manage to get Dipper the sleeve (2-1) although not by design, as he was forced by the braying pack, to introduce the implement of shame. He also managed to deplete the stocks of bottled Cruzcampo, mostly into “Gangplank” and the Soviet Block branch of the “Mijas Hash.” The circle was once again returned to the very capable GM “peace be upon him,” who brought the event to a close.

If you wish to know about the “On On On’s” go to www.whogivesashit.com, as I was not there.

Quote of the day was from Karma Chameleon, “We are running out of water, because all those bastards have been drinking it.”

Keep the faith and may your powder stay dry, on on, Fender Bender.

Doggy Hash Run Nº1 – Saturday 8th December 2007 

Hares: Strawberry Nipples and Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer

Set up in a very warm sunny day and within the lovely landscapes of Alozaina. 

The circle was held at Willy Wanker and Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer´s beautiful countryside home. 

Plenty of shits around that reminded all of us that it was a doggy Hash day.  It also was joyful to se 16 dogs running like maniacs, arse sniffing, attempting sex, growling, etc.  Marvellous!  

The run was low hill and low prick factor (pricks meaning as forest pricks).

There were a few splits but no check backs or false trails.  Hashers had a choice of a longer rut if wanted. 

At the beer stop we enjoyed soft drinks, crisps, cakes which occasionally where snatched off our hands by clever Hash dogs, specially by “Ben” known as “Spotty Dick”.  And how not; plenty of beer too!. 

Back, at the circle, very important points where raised as per our dogs Hashing behaviour.

Hares where called at the centre for the traditional down down and they had a doggy Hash response of an average punctuation of 8.9999999… and so on.  Well done!!!!Then it was pointed that Hash dog Blue, (apologies for the absence of his owner “Flakey”) had beaten all of us by being the fastest front runner followed by our Hash member Strawberry Nipples sucker.  A great talented dog.  Cheers to Blue!!

Harry, oh Harry! Having only four months of age, our puppy Hash dog Harry, had the audacity of trashing our markings on the campo.  The punishment was taken all by his owners Brian and Andria excluding little Lucas as he could not down down properly from his milk bottle.  Naughty, naughty!!!

Then, the appearance and looks of all the dogs was an important issue, and… oh my…!!!!  Aureola´s dog “Quira” (more likely to be a dirt retriever than a golden retriever) was spotted looking like a tramp’s dog by getting her self bi-coloured after rolling in a pond full of sewage and after in a pond full of red mud…eeeew!!!!  Her owner took punishment and “Quira” was baptised “Dirty Bitch”.  Her owner does not want to be called after her!

Then, also it was raised that at the beer stop our Hash dog “Poppy” owned by “Cosmic Whore” had been trying to make cocktails in the water bowl by sticking his mucky paw and stirring all the water.  Pour soul didn’t get the fact that all the water was mostly more outside than inside the bowl.  Spillage!!!

Other punishments were being been dealt with but the writer of this run report was too distracted and busy chatting (as usual).

 A new generation of Hashers have been noticed as little Lucas with only two years of age, was heard singing along in de background: ¯down¯down¯down¯¯…Amazing!!!! 

On On was served by the kindest of all, Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer, starting with delicious slices of “Serrano” ham and crusty bread and followed by a superb roast dinner where the traditional Yorkshire puddings became “flat pancake puddings” (still delicious!).  Plenty of wine and beer on the go to finish a day where 14 and a half Hashers and 16 dogs had much, much fun!!!

Our day’s main characters: 

*       Brian, Andria and young Lucas with Scooby, Lilly and Harry

*       Shagadelic with Jack, known in the rural Spain as “El Duque”

*       Fender Bender and Goble Goble with Summer

*       Mummy’s boy with Blue (adopted for the day)

*       Cheap as Chips and Cheap as tits together with Bear, Bocker, and Bumble known as “The Bears”

*       Strawberry nipples and Strawberry nipple sucker with Socks and Beethoven

*       Cosmic Whore with Poppy

*       Willy wanker and Willy wanker´s Willy warmer with Patch and Enya

*       Full of shit with Ben known as “Spotty Dick”

*       And last but not least Aureola with Quira known as “Dirty Bitch”

 Special thanks to Willy Wanker and Willy Wanker´s Willy Warmer.

 T-shirts of this run still available – contact Willy Wanker´s Willy Warmer

 Aureola

On On!!! 

(Sorry for the Spanglish writing, but you all know what I mean!!! You know what I mean?J)

RUN 1011   2nd December 2007   Benahavis Scottish run

Hares – Strawberries

 

RUN 1010   25th November 2007   Sierra Gorda

Hares – Kindergarten Kop & Fender Bender

30 Hashers turned up for the Sierra Gorda run hared by Kindergarten Kop and a bit of help from Fender Bender.

We set off on tarmac in the Urbanisation and after 10 mins hit the first Check. Very hard to spot the flour but eventually we were on our way cross country. We were warned about a pack of dogs loose outside one of the houses on the trail. One of the pups ended up doing the entire run with us helped along by Streak of piss.

Amongst the various Checks, Splits and False trails were some spectacular views of Coin and surrounding Villages. The most stunning were at the top of the mountain where the Beer Stop was held.

The second half of the run was a rock climb up and then down to the BS.

The run received a very respect 8 and the only complaints were the poor directions and lack of flour on the first part.

Big Dipper used the sleeve a few times to celebrate it's 1 year Aniversario.

Jane was named using the first ever computer naming as "Cosmic Whore".

After a 1 and a half hour circle with many a Down for all sorts of missnomas and equally important reasons the On-on was at Leslie's bar and bistro. 12 euros got you the usual 3 courses with wine.

Loved it!

Collonic Irrigation.

RUN 1009   18th November 2007   Club La Costa

Hares – Dogs Bollox, with a little help from the "Virgin Mary"

 

RUN 1008   11th November 2007   Marbella 

Hares – Stiffanny, Streaky, with a little help from Birthday boy-Flakey

 

Excellent fare of Chicken rolled in bacon , good red wine , many songs, much laughter ,  cake and candles for birthday boy flakey , (must be 68 by now ) And that was just the ON ON.
 
The run however was something else ,
 
How lucky we band of Mijas hashers are, we should wonder the rain and permanent grey our patriotic UK dwellers suffer at this time of year , whilst us X pats enjoy the beauty of this area we reside in ……
 
 With a  warm day, light refreshing breeze, ,and the occasional cloud to give contrast and subtle shade and break for the azure blue skies, We were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery , stunning views , climbs a plenty and the customary dry riverbeds to reconnoitre ,
 
This band of merry hashers bunched up , spread out , short cutted , and ran in circles , but finally negotiated an excellent run set by Captain catamaran flakey,  G.P.S  (we never get lost) Stiiffany,  and Cheeky streaky bum !
 
The run was considered somewhere between masochistic  and perfection personified.
After marks from minus 2 to 8.5 were given by all the contributing hashers a healthy   7.9 was the given run mark average !!!!
It  appeared mummy boys maths was suffering from “lackof calculaterous”
 
This hasher was welcomed back and made to feel immediately at home after having been absent for the previous two months , thankyou x
 
Trailer Trash  fka  one hung low
 

 

RUN 1007   4th November 2007   ??? 

Hares – ???

No run report, no photos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUN 1006   28th October 2007   Somewhere near Coin  

Hares – Dumb Arse
 

 

RUN 1005    21st  October 2007   Somewhere near Coin  

Hares – Mork and Fender Bender

 

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining as the pack waited for the off. 4pm came and went and the numbers swelled to 30+ before Stiff Fanny set us off at 4:30pm.

The run started with a split with the right hand split being the way to go, up the hill, of course. At the top a check took us left through the prickles before hitting a dirt track road which led to a checkback at the top of the hill. The trail then headed right across uneven scrub to another dirt track road. This gave the FRB’s a chance to stretch their legs before a split sent them right down to another dirt track and another split. This time we went left before a checkback brought everyone to the beer stop. Beers, softies, crisps and dip were enjoyed by all in the sunshine.

Little did we know that the beer stop was about halfway and not the normal three quarters of the way round. Off we set along the dirt track before a checkback turned us round and sent us off to the left through the olive grove. The second half turned into a runner’s run as various splits and checks took us on different dirt tracks before bringing us back to the start. The Hares were awarded 7.5 for a good well marked run.

Stiff Fanny took over the circle and had Spitoon and Gangplank on ice for some misdemeanour. Gangplank then took over as RA as Septic Scrotum was resting, for what we don’t know!

Then it was on to Mindy’s for the On On which started with Buck’s Fizz in order to celebrate Aubrey and Maureen’s Golden Wedding Anniversary. The On On was delicious as usual and consisted of lentil soup, assorted sausages with mash and apple crumble with ice cream, what more could you ask for? The wine and beer flowed and all the proceeds for the evening were being donated to charity. It was a lovely evening but it was noticeably cooler in the campo than down on the coast.

Congratulations to Mindy and Maureen on their Golden Wedding Anniversary and many thanks for the delicious On On.

 

On On

Big Bitch

 

 

Run  1004 Sunday  14th October  2007  - Mijas

 Hare:Mummy´s boy

 

 

Run  996 Sunday  30th September  2007  - El Coto

 Hares: Streakys Marks 8 

 

Approximately 47 hashers and harriets arrived, fairly promptly at 1700 hrs, for the 996th run up above El Coto set by Streak of Piss and Streaky. 

Flakey welcomed everyone into the circle including 2 virgins, courtesy of the Stiffs, and three visitors: Vomit from Hong Kong, New Zealand et al, and Blitzcreek (phoenetic spelling) and Hole in One from Western Africa.  It was a particularly warm Oct evening and the sun shone brightly as we set off down a very well marked trail after a slightly delayed start with some hashers running down a road and others into the campo.  There were no false trails but some cobwebby tunnels plus check back tunnel.  The pack became fairly strung out but, being for the most part at the end, I cannot comment much on the run apart from knowing the last four tail end charlies, including me, found themselves in the middle of the pack at one point. There were some slippery scrambles for the less agile and a  wondrous scree slope running alongside the toll road which proved challenging for the visitors, Spermaid and the scribe who managed to slip and roll a fair distance.  Spittoon was up the rear and must have achieved some wonderful views on the pushes and pulls, especially under the limbo dancing fence. 

 The Circle 

The run was, apparently, according to some, the best of the year and scored 8 so I am glad I wasn´t on the others. Spittoon proffered a -5 but was a great sweeper.  Apparently there was chocolate swiss roll at the beer stop which proved a bonus, along with fresh oranges and crisps. 

Anniversarios awarded to:Jane 5 runs Fender Bender 20 runs Gobble Gobble 20 runs Ginger Minge 35 runs

Mindy 50 Runs Mork 50 runs Stitched Up 80 runs Swiss Roll 125 runs Mummy´s Boy 165 runs Dipper 475 runs

 Dipper awarded various downs downs for misdemeanours including the misappropriation of a box of tampons, the loss of two pairs of underpants (one sheepishly being claimed by Jerry Can) short cutting bastards and talking in the circle.

The sleeve was used on two occasions: once, very successfully, by Kindergarten Cop who had been caught nonchalantly gazing into the distance whilst leaning on a car peeing, without asking permission to leave the circle.  Lilo Lil and Karma Chameleon had to hold down the unfortunates who had to drink from Dipper´s cock.

 Tattooed hashers were invited into the circle. Lilo Lil did not present herself and suffered as a consequence and was not prepared to show us where the tattoo actually was. 

The Hash Summer Ball organisers were praised after a very successful evening last Friday.  A grand total of Euros 3,285 was raised for childrens´ charities during the evening.

 The successfully and lively circle was closed at 2030 when most of the beer had been suitably despatched

 On On

STITCHED UP

 

Run  995 Sunday  23rd September  2007

 Hares: Wally´s
 The meeting place was by the river on the the Tolox Road. This is a great location and one that the Hares had used to good effect before. The Run set off up a wide, steep and rocky path and went on … and on … and on. This was a rather boring part of the Run was, I felt, lacking in imagination; but we eventually got to the top and were able to enjoy the great views. Thereafter the Run simply went in a large loop to the Beer Stop. Things picked up however in the second half. After a good downhill run we returned to start point along a very full and muddy Rio Grande. Great! A score of 7 was awarded during a long and enjoyable circle. The On On was at the nearest local venta and was good value for 10 euros.

 On On K C

 

Run  994 Sunday  16th September  2007

 Hares: Big Bitch, Hash cash


First of all I must note the amazing area of which the run was set ... lakes, forests and picnicers too.. altho I was one of the people that arrived late, the instruction of not to rub out the correct markings was given so the late comers was still able to endure a hash run, altho such a monstrosity was done it didn´t take long for the late comers to catch up the rest of the hash..... even with out short cutting I might add... ok maybe just the one short cut haha...
 
after 10 checks!!! and split trails that even had two false trials we came at last to the beer stop, with lashings of crisps, beer and softies, the first half of the run was interesting, enduring and most importantly fun.
 
The second half was a great runners run in and it didn´t take us long to get back, an brilliant effort from the hares for such a great run, no complaints from the circle, and down downs was give out plenty, forgive I cannot mention each one, but for the people that turned up only they will know what happened as punishment for not turning up at last weeks run you will never know... (example hot Russian tottie armed with a peach like cheeks and legs that went all the way to the ground)
 
OnOn was at the Tarje Mahail Indian (again I might add too) lets try to be creative hashers... food and wine was excellent for a dashing 15 euros!
 
Streak of Piss signing off..
 
OnOn fellow hashers!!!!
 
 

 

Run  993 Sunday  9th September  2007 Back to Skool Run

 Hares: Gangbang, Flacky

A motley looking group of 25 ageing school kids arrived at Fuengirola Feria ground to a live hare run, with just William { Flakey} and his school chum Gangbang.
Stiffanny kept the pack at bay whilst the hares got a head start.
We followed the trail of chalk, or was it dog shit? A leisurely pace was made through the roads, then dropped us down into the riverbed then straight out again, the only off roading we did.
Along the trail to the first beer stop and a photo call.We set off around the steets to the next beer stop sampled the local beer then two more stops seems like we were on a pub crawl.
The trail was laid mostly by gang bang at insistence of a local stalker who tried to make out that graffiti on the road was not allowed unless it was done by a woman as the view was much better when chalk was put to tarmac
We finished back at the Feria ground, suitably refreshed and not a bead of sweat in sight,
except for Tight arse who likes to build up a good sweat! { If he,d seen Flakey wearing that frock at breakfast time he would have blown a gasket]  no doubt the photos will soon be for sale.
Various sins were awarded the usual down downs, a score of 7 was given to the hares,
Anniversario was Karma Chameleon with 175 runs.,We celebrated Stiffita.s 10th birthday with chocolate cake, the wind kept blowing the candles out,so they never got lit,Tight arse also had a birthday and the song was sung to both of them.
 
The sins of Willy Wanker and Flakey were cleansed by Dipper, Their relationship is blossoming after sharing a double bed the night before.
Streaky was elected to bare her arse for the hash 1,000 magazine.An eager show of cameras was at the ready, some great shots were taken of that bronzed botty and pink thong.
The locals were happy too, that is the ones who were hanging over the edge of their balconies.
The drooling hashers were given a good dowsing of beer, and Streak of Piss and Doggsie were allowed to sit on the quickly melting bag of ice.
On on to the sea front where we were treated to the entertainment of the local gypsy singer and the looky looky crowd. A fine feast of massive salads, hamburgers or pork chops puddings, copious amounts of wine and of course pacharans.The pack drifted home at around midnight.
On On WW Willy Warmer.

 

 

Run  992 Monday  3rd September  2007

 Hares: Bagpuss, Up yer bum

 

Run  991 Monday  27th  August   2007

 Hares: Spittoon & Fender Bender


 

Run  990 Monday  20th  August   2007

 Hares: Fender Bender

A marvelous walk to quote one of our members, we started off running along a path following the flour until we hit a perfect place for a 4–way check which unfortunately wasn’t there. We continued following the flour until it ran out which then set off the headless chickens who ran every which way until the call of “On On” came from upto the left. Up a rough path to a road with another perfect place for a 6 way check but all that was found was a CB and an F. Eventually the trail headed along the contour path on the right. Stiff Fanny was heading uphill and ignored the calls of  “On Back” to do her own thing. The trail was then directed left, when again even a split would have slowed the FRB’s down. Up this trail before, at last, a great checkback took the FRB’s well down another trail before turning them round. By the time they had got back to the trail the back runners had caught up. More of that please! The pack then headed up to a viewpoint where Septic Scrotum was calling On On and Oh the disappointment when you get to the top only to discover a CB! Again this brought the pack together, well done, before we headed down through the trees which had been burnt out very recently. We eventually emerged from the trees at a large crossroads where there was a check (Numero Uno). Here we headed right down towards the fields and then left to the Beer Stop. The beer stop was a veritable feast with melon, crisps and dip and quiche for all those Unreal men.

As we were about to set off again it was discovered that Stiff Fanny, Flakey and Knockout Neptune were missing. They eventually turned up after having a Committee Meeting at the viewpoint! The rest of the run then followed a pointless loop which joined back with the Wimps trail which was 5 minutes from the On In.

We hardly had time for a drink before the Circle was called to order and the GM gave Down Downs to the Visitor from Almacil, the returnees, the Virgins and the Hares who were awarded a mark of 6.5. Anniverserios – Trailer Trash – 40 runs, Hash Cash 45 runs, Big Bitch 45 runs, Cradle Snatcher 50 runs and Knockout Neptune 105 runs.

 

Septic Scrotum then took over with numerous down downs including various hashers who had been asked to make up 2 lines of a poem.

The best poem was :-

 

There was a young man called Johnnie

Who only his mother thought was bonnie

He went on the Hash

Came back with a rash

And now he’s called Septic Scrotum

 

Spittoon tried to tell a joke but ended up on the ice

 

As it was dark the circle ended and it was all back to Fender Bender’s large terrace for the On On. Fish and Chips or Beef Pie with Maureen’s Mushy Pies. Very nice they were too, a first for me. It was all followed by Debbies Fruit Pies and Cream which were delicious.

Thanks to the Hares for a “Marvellous Walk” and for your hospitality.

 

On On to Deja Vue next week.

 

Big Bitch

************************************************************

 

 

Run  989 Monday  13th  August   2007

 Hares:  Knockout Neptune alias Two Pies & Mermaid
 

Meeting at Monda the Run set off almost on time. We ran through fantastic country with great views - perfect for hashing ... in my view, though necessarily there were lots of hills, and therefore not to everyone`s taste.  After about 10 mins the Hare managed to lose us all ... the markings simply ran out and it was a good 20 mins before we managed to pick up the trail some way on. Maybe the goats were to blame! Later we encountered a serious prickle factor and whilst we were warned in advance (a factor of 9/10) it didn`t make it any easier to endure! But overall,a good Hash in great country. It received a mark of 7.75. There were 3 aniversarios - Mork 45, Septic Scrotum 50 and Dumb Ass Ditch Dummy 55 runs.

After we all -yes all, everyone stayed for the On On! - enjoyed a great meal around the pool with as much wine as we all could drink. A great night ... much enjoyed by your scribe.

Kindergarten Cop 

 

 

************************************Pikey-Video---------------------------->

 

 

  

Run  988 Monday  6th  August   2007

 Hares:  Sheep Shagger (Terry) and Grace

 

On on: Gaspachios  (Jelly Belly)

 

Anniversaries:

Beef Steak:   20 runs

Fuck Norris:   30  runs

Streak of Piss:  35  runs

Bagpuss:  45  runs

Sheep Shagger:  55  runs

Willy  Wanka:  100  runs

Kindergarten  Cop:  115  runs

Swiss  Roll:  120  runs

Dogs   Bollox:  495  runs

 

Circle:

 Vote  on the run:  average 7  (until it was discovered that the beer had run out….down to  3!!!)

 

What Happened.

 

Me and my mate Pauline couldn’t find the run on the 31st of July so we were VERY pleased to see the regular crowd of perverts, gathered in full view of respectable Spanish society, at the back of La Cala this Monday evening.

 

Five out of the six virgins, presented to the circle, were MINE!! (i.e. Aunty Pauline’s……Check That Crack’s family and friend)

The other virgin on offer was poor, unsuspecting Maurice….. friend of Patricia’s.

 

Chicken Shit, Clog Dancer and Gardener, our illustrious (HUGE) visitors, graced us with their presence and, desperate for an audience, a clog dance routine.

 

The beer stop was successfully discovered, by eager participants, shortly after we got started. Chocolate Brownies much appreciated. Nice short run (stroll)

 

Closing Circle Antics actually took longer than the “run” itself.

 

Poor old Fuck Norris discovered that thumbing a lift in the fast lane proves a little difficult at times whilst Strawberry Nipple and Mr. Strawberry took possession of a bunch of flowers in exchange for their blue leather sofa! Flakey got a good deal there but will have to take the dog with him on his boat next time.

 

Excellent tapas on the On On!  Many thanks to the Hares.

Sribed by Check That Crack

 

Run 987 Monday 30th July 2007
Hares - Aphrodisiac & Cradle Snatcher
 
Hash Run 986 Monday 23rd July 2007
Hares - SFD & K.K.

 

Hash Run 985 Monday 16th July 2007
Hares - Tight Arse/Septic - La Cala

The river of moving men and women hashers flowed wedged shaped across the sparsely grassed arid dry riverbed and rolling landscape of La Cala and the local golf course set beneath the mijas mountains.

Over it all hung a fine mist of dust, like sea fret on a windy day, and the sunlight caught and flashed from the burnished surfaces of the golfers, irons, putter and golf buggies.

Further went the mass of hashers , some forty in number , until the bright colours of the cotton t shirts dimmed dramatically in the loom of the dust clouds and tarmac laden way.

Forcing the intense pace (walk) the front running bastards  shaded their eyes from the blazing sun  and tried to see beyond the  multitude of  dead ends that had been strangely  marked as false trials.

Elsewhere the hares had felt the feel of goose flesh up their  arms and the tickle of thick  hair at the napes of their  necks  as they  imagined how later they would be  caught in the crossfire of the angry and Lost hashers, and they fretted much as they waited at the beer stop as a  shepherd would wait and worry for his lost sheep  (beer drinking sheep)

As all was seemed lost a cry was heard from across the dust and shit encrusted river bed and as the hoard turned a cry was heard and direction was offered forth and the trail was again discovered , eventually  beer was gratefully quenched and the end was fortunately   found …

As the circle was drawn and the GM had had his say , the time had come for a new and different strictly temporary assistant RA (  errm Me )

At first The RA seemed to wander , he spoke of the first rays of the sun touching the peaks of the mountains , and feel of the feel of the desert wind in a mans face at noon , he reminded them of the sound of the birth cry of  a mans first born child , and the smell of the earth turning under the plough .. (well sort of anyway )

but gradually an attentive silence fell upon his unruly audience, and down downs were taken and the rabble laughed heartily …

fine food and good fare was had at the on on , marks of 5.5 for the hares and all in all a bloomin good excuse for a Monday …. Now do I get scribe of the year this year or what yer gits ?

ON ON

 Your scribe:  Trailer Trash, f.k.a One Hung Low, a.k.a Pikey

 

Hash Run 984 La Mairena 9 July 2007
Hares - Lilo Lil and Tiffany

This one should have been named the extreme hash. Children were recommended not to take part, a bit of a downer as mine had just flown in from England.

As it was the advice was sound. Mountain climbing, lost hashers, broken limbs and wading through water up to our waist was the order of the day. Worse still was the sight of Septic and Trailer Trash who partook in a spot of naked hashing.

Even those that wimped out and went offroading in Stiff’s car looked decidedly shaken at the end.

 Supplies of chocolate brownies, water melon and Bucks Fizz manage to calm down an irate bunch, some of whom thought it was a bit too dangerous. However it was fair to say that a lot of effort had been put in and the hash awarded the hares a mark of 6

 In the circle there was the usual piss taking and laughter, and a Christening where Debbie was named something like Dippy Dopey Debbie.

 Even a last minute change of on on after the restaurant owner was bitten by a mad dog was no problem for the hares who found a good alternative venue (so I’m told).

 Ginger Minge

 

 

Away weekend -- Camping, romping and yodelling in the Alpujarras(982 &983)

29th June to 2nd July 2007

 The away hashers were divided into two distinct groups -- the hairy arsed camping brigade, whose idea of a good time is feeling the dirt between their toes as they snuggle down unwashed with earwigs, in between visits to the bushes and/or communal toilets; and the fairy-arsed hedonistic tossers (amongst whom your Scribe is pleased to number himself -- assuming one can in fact number oneself), who prefer the feel of tile beneath their feet and toilet paper between the cheeks of their arse.

 One thing that did stand out amongst the true camping fraternity was the size and variety of their erections -- fat ones, thin ones, tall ones, ones with knobbly bits on, it was indeed a sight to behold.

 Hashers rolled up gradually during the day, and the evening meal at the campsite restaurant on Friday night seemed to surprise everybody, including the restaurant staff, who made a fine job of spreading the ingredients of the 25 meals they thought had been ordered amongst the 40 hungry hashers -- not dissimilar in many ways to Jesus feeding the 5000.  However, plentiful booze kept the punters lubricated and your Scribe is not aware of too many hangovers on Saturday morning.

 Saturday dawned bright and clear and very hot. Trevelez cascaded down the inner thighs of the magnificent high-peaked valley like a succulent clitoris.  People wandered round in it, visiting and revisiting the three shops as though to convince themselves that such tatt might be worth buying.  (Okay, so your Scribe came back with a car full, but guess who was responsible for that?  KK is such a schmuck -- marriage must be having strange effects on him)

 Starting at three (-ish) , the assembled multitude set off with not a little trepidation into the mountains under the broiling sun.  Along a manmade watercourse, up the track, past some horses and mules, off onto tenuous footpaths, upward, ever upward.  Your Scribe, in his capacity as RA, nobly swept up at the rear of the flock, helped by an unwisely large lunch and enormous portions of knobbing on those comfortable beds (any thing to keep KK out of the damn shops).  It might be thought that your Scribe cut a rakish and colourful figure bestriding the mountains in his newly acquired Aussie hat (amazing what they sell in that robbers’ roost).  But I digress.

 Back to the track, upwards still but more gently now, past carefully tended handkerchiefs of vegetables and fruit gardens lovingly terraced out of the hillside and irrigated by the melting snows of the Sierra Nevada; past two manky Alsatians, along another acequía, then up through a plague of locusts to the welcome beer stop; where sadly the front runners seemed to have been waiting some time for the rest of the pack, and insisted upon rushing off in a most unsporting fashion, just so they could show off their competitive prowess by rushing lemming-like back to the campsite.

 Your Scribe, and a number of the more sensible hashers, followed the steep but pleasant in-trail at a more conservative pace, which allowed us to take in the majesty of our surroundings and appreciate the patchwork of fields and watercourses which are so unique to this area.

 Modesty and a surfeit of alcohol forbid your Scribe from waxing too lyrical about the RA’s performance in the Circle, except that he remembers the run was awarded 7.9 marks and that theAxar- spit-quía Hash visitors came in for much well-deserved criticism.  Oh yes, and he recalls liberal use of the Sleeve being required to control a rowdy and drunken bunch.

 The Saturday night barbecue, when served, proved a ‘normous success, at which no one went hungry or thirsty.  Full many goodlie ballads were sung and jokes a-told among the Companie that nighte, and titties faire there were, alle bedecked with creame....

 Sunday morning dawned very similar to Saturday morning, but hazier somehow in the head.  Quivering hashers -- could there have been fewer than the day before?  -- gathered in the village for a short but intense hairy dog run which took us out of the village, over the bridge, up the hillside, back down along the valley and down shiggy to the river, which we followed along back under the bridge and waded across to the strategically situated beer stop. After many watery shenanigans, and duly refreshed, it was back over the bridge and up into the village square where transport was provided back to the campsite.

 Sunday's Circle involved more down Downs for the Axar-spit-quía Hash, and the RA was obliged to upbraid unmentionable members of the flock for drunken violence, excessive tonguing, and bestiality, to name but too many..

 A relaxed lunch at the campsite followed, after which some hashers departed for home, whilst others stayed for a more demure meal in the evening.

 Many thanks are due to those deluded souls who spent many hours of their time organising this event, and in particular acquiring all the food and drink, bringing it to site with all the preparatory materials and cooking it; and to the miscellaneous Hares, which, as we all know, hang down to their knees…

 Amen

 Your Scribe, and temporal and spiritual Father,

 DIPPER

 

Hash no. 981  - Monte Mayor

The first part of the obstacle was to find the run start. Directions were bona fide but the road works weren,t. Eventually despite a 6.40 prompt instruction 33 runners arrived by 7.15p.m. Salutations to El Pulpo who graced us with his presence after 8 months in South Africa. It was great to see him and to boot his 420 mijas hash. SAD!!!

The Starwberries aibly assisted by The Wankers set the run which to put it mildly was very hilly.

Stunning scenery overlooking Monte Mayor Golf, mountains,valleys,more mountains,more valleys and eventually the floor. We couldn,t look up cos we were too busy climbing!

There were the usual flurry of false trails, however the on-in was set too close to the trail and several of us lead by Stiffany had a wasted decent only to respond to animated screams wrong way. So, guess what, we had to climb all of the way back up!

The drink stop was most welcome.

Poste haste we then left to climb more hills but for every up there is a down. The final descent at last after a run of approximately one and a half hours.

As the light was beginning to fade we drove to the Strawberries Palatial abode who were hosting the on-on, to have the circle.

Bucks Fizz to celebrate the SECRET WEDDING!!!!!

Flakey and Septic Scrotum conducted the circle. Flakey was iced because his flea bitten mut Blue kept interfering in the circle.The usual collection of mis-demeanours and then, guess what? A hash wedding post the SECRET WEDDING.

The pre-nup announced, the media at the ready, Stiffany assisted with gaffer tape, a wig and t.l.c attempted to re-juvenate the groom due to the slight age difference to the bride. The gorgeous bride complete with garter,veil and tiara,also a makeover a la rouge from Lilo, was ready.

Flakey conducted the ceremony with Septic Scrotum. Kalma was most gracious promising to share his wife, money and cars with his fellow hashers and Golden Cascade was suitably genteel and submissive!

The group enjoyed a wonderful buffet,courtesy of The Strawbs and paid for by Kalma.

Again, a wonderful evening!!!!

Scribed by Lilo

 

Hash no. 980   - hoyo 19  Hares : Fuck Norris & Trailer Trash

 

It is difficult to write a full report of this run since the scribe didn`t go on it … due to injury. But as it turned out it wasn`t necessary to go on the Run to gain a good impression of Hasher`s opinions. It turned out to be a remarkable Run, for all the wrong reasons!  Wrong that is, unless you are actually trying to get rid of Hash Shit, which I was.