Run  942 - Refujio
Sunday 1st Oct

Hare- SF Dick & Jerrycan

Charity Walk for APRONA and PAD’S

Hare- SF Dick & Jerrycan

Charity Walk for APRONA and PAD’S

 The Walkers

Mummy’s boy – Martin, Flakey – Frank, Streaky – Pia, Stiff – Steph, Shaggy – Ali

Tight Arse – Stuart, Septic – Johnny (we’re doin it for the kids)

Mork – Martin

 This is going to be an epic – settle back and suffer

 Having recced the route on his bike – Martin told us it was all plain sailing. It would have been easier rowing to Cueta (with hockey sticks).

The high winds stopped all telecabins, Tight Arse insisting it was easier to walk from Tivoli world than plunge to our deaths less than 50 meters in to the trek.

I had brought Jack, my trusty one-eyed dog, uncomfortably he eyed the No Dogs sign at the turnstile.

 At eleven we swung dangerously, over the autopista - then began the walk along the route towards the Mijas masts.

The cloud disappeared and the great vista that is Benalmadena (all concrete and blue seas) began to fade away as we started our first ascent in to the trees. The climb took us to about four and a half thousand feet. Steph, with her ipod firmly stuck in her ears and my faulty grommets – meant we were making several stops to equalize and take in oxygen.

 Meanwhile the pack forged ahead, Streaky like a whippet was up there – Martin (I’ll call him Mork to avoid confusion – you’ll know why later) Mork, the Irish wolfhound and the oldest of the pack led the way. Infact from my rear perspective everybody led the way.

Martin’s reccy consisted of a couple of hashes he’d done in the past being strung together with a cavalier amount of making it up as he went along. At that early stage it was all one big adventure.

 Lunch at the top of the summit, we had supplies and plenty of water…hmmmm. Scouting round for the next track and finding our way on to the ridge at the very top – it’s true mountains really do go to a piercing V shape and we were winding our way along the narrow path. Photo opportunity –– turn one-way and you are seeing the whole of the coast – was that fuengirola? Turn the other and the sierras as far as Antequera and Nevada were stretched out in front of us. The sun was beating down.

 Flakey found the path  ‘hey there’s a helicopter pad there!’ pointing to our descent. Rocks and boulders were hindering Stiffs progress; in a heartbeat she was tumbling, going straight for the H sign. Thinking she wanted to opt out early! Clearly not the case, water in one hand, ipod in the other and somersaulting Avengers style down the rock face was not her intention. Our rescue team sprung in to action and all first aid kits came out. See photo.

 From then on we took it easy, a track led round the back of the mountain and wound it’s way down to the town of Alhaurin. About this time we all ran out of water, synchronised dehydration – Septic brought morale to a high point with the new found anthem – ‘who we doin this for?’ – Kylie and Robbie style now…. ‘We’re doin it for the kids.’ Add dogs and cats.’

 The final approach saw Streaky and Stiff head off undeterred by the gaping whole in her leg (the first tourniquet had to be undone for obvious reasons).

Stuart and Johnny strolled on, by this time with the pack stretched out, Jack had done his best to keep us all rounded up – so consequently had run twice the distance of all of us.

 Coming in was a shambles, Martin telling us all we should have walked up to the weather dome – you need binoculars to see it, with no water supplies – an unlikely option. We circumnavigated Alhaurin till we found a firebreak to slide down.

 Finca La Motta never looked so good –33km later, we had done the first leg. Hot bath, achy muscles lots of shandies. An evening of merriment, support guests and PAD’s veterans - a good nights sleep was assured.

 Saturday – muscle fatigue,.  A hearty breakfast and off down to Barranco Blanco then up to the highest track in the Ojen direction. This time with our new recruits – Golden Balls – Luke and Stiffita – Alia our youngest hashers at 12 and 8 respectively. And a good deal more heat. The type where you think a plane must be taxiing, the air rippled on the horizon, cicadas were sleeping and if we got a breeze it was heaven sent. This is again, where I started hallucinating, it’s easy – after so many kilometres of which the red dusty track stretched around for endless miles, and I was beginning to fantasize about meeting Spittoon along the way. 

How many corners that are several kilometres long, can one go without wondering if this is a remake of The Prisoner. Reality show style.

 Murderous thoughts about Martin start to take shape. Walking in a sweltering, overhead sun– no respite, no shade and no sodding breeze. Where the hell was the water we had hidden. A body could decompose in hours in this heat.  Thank god I could hear the distant calls of ‘On On’ and faint sound of ‘who we doin this for?’ ‘We’re doin it for the kids’ add your own dogs and cats. My Jack by this stage was wilting, he was still running from the front of the pack then back to see I was still all right. When the front-runners found some shade under a bush, he’d lap up a ration of water and be off again looking for us laggers. In all of this Luke and Alia were amazing. Kids equals Resilience.

 At last the crossroads in some trees and Maureen’s marvellous lunch.  Trading, caramel bars for wafers and rationing sandwiches when we knew we were only a third of the way there.

 This next part was the lowest we would all get, endless track, mile after mile of the same mountain, searing heat, the same view, why would Fuengirola not disappear, we had left Alhaurin at 10.30, at Four it seemed we had covered just a 100 meters. It was getting hotter. On the old Ojen to Enterrios track the valley much have reached over 100 and my temper to match.

 Jack finally gave up chasing, dug a hole in a 1-foot patch of shade and refused to move. I tried to cajole him; nope he just dug the hole further and eyed me defiantly. I sat there despondent, the others had gone. My muscles had locked. I was with Jack. Then I had a fleeting moment of panic, supposed I was here on my own I’d have to carry him, with little water left and not a MacDonald’s in sight we could be doomed.

 When we finally got going again, I rounded a corner and could see stick like semi naked bodies splashing about in water. That’s it…. I’d gone mad with the heat. Like a miracle, though Martin would swear he knew it was there. A mountain river had collected, in one of our endless ravines and with fresh crystal clear water I jumped in and Jack finally had a chance to cool down. There is a God.

 Morale now at it’s high point, refreshed and body temperatures at once again normal levels we set off like Walt Disney characters on a happy ending. Not far to go.

On the 20Km point Alia had completed her mission.  With still 10km to go it was a tough climb out of the valley. Hats off to the front runners all of whom marched Flakey and Tight Arse and Jack ran it…on the hottest and final day of September to find the steepest road in Ojen before the barman would pull a pint.

 A generous 30Km had been covered.  I knew I could not put Jack through another day – I was supposed to be helping the animals, not killing them.

 The final day and Zoe the latest addition (Johnny wished his gonads were not blistered) joined us. I am now with medical walking stick and pain killers. Steph resembles wobbly legged, Forest Gump at the end of his walk. Mork, the Irishwolfhound albeit with pipe, still smiling.

The blister count after the vertical climb from Ojen to Refugio outweighed the plasters we had brought. Flakey advised Septic to sue Decathlon for breach of contract; his anti blister socks did not do what they said on the packet. He even had blisters on the blister. Pia, I think had the most and was stoic about the whole thing. 

T-shirts were hung out to dry in the Hotel Refugio – Charles de Gualles memoirs would have been totally different if he’d have seen us.

 Then we hiked up to the circle and Stiff Fanny’s Dick did us proud. Picnic all round and a short wait for the rest of the hashers to meet up with us. More photos.

 I will be writing up the final hash, giving us walkers  (so want to say wankers) a total of 10 hashes over 3 days.  The official guidebooks say it should be a 4-day walk, Martin of course has said all along, it’s only 1.5km. So for the last and final part I need a rest first.

 

The Summer ball
Friday 22nd Sept

 

Run  941 - El Faro
Sunday 24th Sept

Hares- Sparky
 

Run  940 - Byblos area
Monday 18th Sept

Hares- Callgirl, Sparky

Run  939- Alhaurin Woods
Monday 11th Sept

Hares- Dogsy, up yer bum

Run  938- Alozaina
Monday 4th Sept

Hares- Cheap as Chips & Betsy
 

This being last lark is not that great when the chances are I will turn up late for most Monday hashes!  Still,  I would not have missed last nights for the world.... when infact,  we were literally on top of the world........ whoever has hashed at the WWankers before,  will know what I mean. 

Betsy and the newly christened Cheap as Chips - hosted a fab night in Alozaina....... the climb up over the mountains and on to their finca, would have mules and donkeys breathless, and I had to get there in Elvis (my van) I wasnґt surprised to see a plethora of four wheel drives and decent motors resting at the very top of the hill (mini mountain). We are talking altitude sickness of the oxygen tank variety. What helped take my breath away was the view.... ok I have gone on about it now.... if you weren't there, you missed out.

 But if you see an Alozaina Hash again, get your camera and your asses up there.

 Lilo Lill was the birthday girl and got the first down down. Thatґs about all I saw of the first circle (I was late).

 Ok how did it start, well surprisingly, downhill, and down and down and hells bells to the bowels of the bloody mountain - the virgin hares put split trails, (no checks or check backs) in just about every bend, but still it was down which meant only one thing, the 2nd half was up.

 The circle was sitting - yes you read it right, this geriatric lot could not stand up after the climb back up to Betsyґs house. Yes a farmer came down past us - freewheeling in his pick up - looking incredibly bemused at the sweating, heaving straggle of hashers .... all of us doing our impressive best to make it look like this was exactly the way we wanted to go - vertical - some of us straight to Heaven.

 Seriously, when we leveled off....it was again a major photo opportunity - enter hash flash!

 There were a lot of wet t-shirts at the top of the hill - and not through any competition. 

 The circle was just brill - how can anyone get over the Spittoon's mark for the hashers  - 9.9 - yes you read it right - see what a night you missed! Birthday cake, jokes and Mummy's Boy, the aficionado of the lidl's red wine and Flaky - our most respected royal anus prodded Golden cascade with his long pole so she couldn'tґt sit down. The anniversarios got a down down and there was an impressive list -

Peter 5 runs, Pig in shit 5 runs, Lesley 10 runs, Streaky 15 runs, Call girl 20 runs, Egg shell blonde 20 runs, Lilo Lil 25 runs, Shagadelic 30 runs, Kindergarten Cop 80 runs, Mummy's Boy 125 runs, Up yer Bum 270 runs, Flakey 295 runs, Dogs Bollox 470 runs (get a life).

The remaining birthday cake was used as a cushion for David's knees whilst our anus christened him for looking like David Dickinson - so Cheap as Chips was born. 

 Then it was off to Mirador for an exclusive opening for the hashers - we had good red wine - faustino, prawn salad, egg and chips and negotiations or divorce proceedings over the pork fillets! I left whilst i still had my faculties. It looked like a long night of merriment was ahead, notwithstanding Steve Irwin jokes straight out of Liverpool whilst camera crew were still looking for said stingray.

 a well deserved 8.5 for the virgins 

On On!

Shaggi

 

Run  937- Hoyo 19 - Mijas golf Road
Monday 28th August

Hares- Pia & Aase

Report needed.

Run  936- La Cala
Monday 21st August

Hares- The Mountie

Report  needed

Run  935- ???
Monday 14th August

Hares- ???

Report & pics needed

Run  934- Monda
Monday 7th August

Hares- Mermaid & Willy Wankers WW

Being last, I need a little help from my friends on this scribe, so fill in the blanks for your own name.............. I was so late I caught up with the pack  - Mummy's boy, Willy warmer, Flakey .... and ....... all heading towards me (lucky me)  as they were coming from a check back on the outset. We started by the river in the valley of Monda, with the sun high overhead still. Straight up and thru the ubiquitos olive trees and red dust soil with a divertion here and there - the heat was intense the virgins slightly perplexed at why we should run in 33 degrees n high humidity whilst shouting R U??  fuck no are you???? 

Eventually (and for a mid summer run) it was a long one - we like a long one!  after heading uphill towards the Gun Club......... here the 360 check fooled a lot of us - do we head straight for Knock-outs?, the stables for a beer? - (leigh and beccy always have a supply) or mill around for a while waiting to hear someone to shout  ON ON?

 luckily only a few more kilometers to go on a hilly descent/ascent before we finally found the Beer Stop - the front running bastards and there were several of them ........ yes you know who you are........... looking well frankly  - BORED, wanted to press on. Here was a nice surprise there was a short way and a long way to choose for the second half.

 Never one to short cut I yet again was at the very back of the pack with Jack, my trusty one eyed dog. Eventually I found ........... Flakey, thingy and ooojy  - Thank God! as we were heading for Guaranian jungle, the likes of which included illegal wooden houses, illicit water supplies from rapidly drying river beds and several, no dozens of disgruntled frogs - uprooted yet again by the likes of us trampling through their back yard.

 This imaginative trek upstream bore all the horsemarks of a well planned and executed reccy - well done to the hares.

 I am told by the virgins the other second half was worth all the pain and physical exertion they endured (errr not bad considering one's a PE teacher).

 Arriving last off the run....- am a boverrred? - see this face - boverrred? The bloody dog would not get in the van.......he was not getting in till he was well and truly exhausted and mentally unfit to follow me any further.

 Back at Knockouts - Mermaid had done us proud - well someone had to nick all that outdoor furniture.... there followed a circle of which I really by this stage can't rememember a thing........ a combination of heat fatigue, lidl's red wine and fading light - dimmed my memory.

 all in all - the food was fab - i remember that! the run was great with a well earned 8 and a half - or was it nine?? and as always I slept well, dreaming of chasing hashers!  ON ON !

Shaggy x

 

Run  932/933 - Camping weekend - Alhama de Granada
Friday to Sunday 28th - 30th July

Hares- Sparky & Mummyґs Boy

After painstaikingly writing a report, sadly it was lost when I tried to send it. This is the second attempt

The campsite was situated in a breathtaking location overlooking lake bermejales. After friday evenings dips, drinks and bonhomie 35 hashers gathered to start our run 4p.m saturday. We were taken around the peripheral of the lake, along a gorge and back onto the lake side again. The terrain was flattish but the company stimulating, invigorating and the scenery breathtakinhg. Poor Knoickout Neptune only made it a few hundred yards before he twisted his ankle again.  Bandaid was the youngest but no less determined runner who with fleet of foot and red of face commanded huge respect. As usual there were several short cutters (names to remain anonymous) but as we neared the drinks stop the vision of a convoy of canoes pulled by a motor boat towards the lakeside did precipitate a flurry of activity.

Yes. We were returning by canoe. Quickly, biceps,triceps were paired to see who could make a suitable union. Scrambling into the craft with verve and tenacity the race was on. Unfortunately I cannot comment on the antics behind as I was in the leading vessel.

Consensus gave the run an 8.5  and well deserved it was.

The evening ensued with the usual festive atmosphere. Copious amounts of plonk, beer and several illicit g&t,s enhanced the mood (apart fromm a slight altercation between mb &sf)

Hare of the dog run 923.

Enthusiasm was a little diminished  but the trail took us along a gorge affording a wonderful panoramica vista . Several hairy moments of wires to cross a gully, and steep clambering, but the happy hashers  were not deterred. Inland Andalucia is breathtakingly beautiful and it was a joy to savour this. After a beer stop in a field we returned to camp (some via a small bar ) for an entertaining circle, several new additions including s&m, Mork and Mindy, Golden Balls, Jailbait, to name a few.

We totalled 26 runners and marked the run a solid 9. Well done Mummy,s Boy and Sparky.

A sumptuous feast of paella was enjoyed before erections were deflated to return home (tents that is)

A fab week-end.

Your Scribe - Eggshell blond

 

Run  931 - The Fairground
Monday 24th July

Hares- El Cid, Ginger Minge
    Local run resulting in lost dog, lost Up-yer-bum causing Dogsy to miss the meal, which was meant to be good - shit happens!

 

Run  930 - Barranco Blanco
Monday 17th July

Hares- Trolly dolly, Bendover, Spittoon
 

Run  929 - Cabopino
Monday 10th July

Hares- Karma

Run  928 - The Wankers Campo run
Monday 3rd July

Hares- Wankers

Run  927 - El Pulpos leaving run & Flakeys party
Sunday 25th June

Hares- Dipper & Gobbi
A good crowd of 56 runners turned up for El Pulpo’s last run in the heart of El Coto. Bright Yellow Tshirts were handed out inaugurating the First Run of the Port Elizabeth Hash. Numerous group photos were taken with the Pack resplendent in their yellow tshirts. Instructions said to turn up by 1pm but as usual it was 2pm before the pack was off.

Up over a little hill before heading down to a 2 way split which had both trails on until the left hand split hit an F. So it was on right heading downhill before heading uphill again to a CB. This kept the pack together as the pack checked out the possibilities which was eventually found which took us through some jungle parallel to a stream and then onto a track before another CB kept the pack together again. This took us over a stream, not down it as some expected, before a gentle jog to the Beer Stop. Dipper was liberally pouring out Pulpo juice which was going down as quickly as it was being poured. It was warm under the trees as we waited for the back runners.

The football beckoned so the pack were off leaving the Hares to wait for the back runners. The Rambos had a loop round back to the car park and the Wimps had a 200 yard walk to where the cars were parked. The whole pack was back and where was the beer! No beer! It was still with the Waiting Hares.

Eventually they turned up and were almost lynched on the spot.

The Circle was called to order and the GM gave down downs to Hares – Dipper and Gobachov who were awarded a mark of 6 for their run, mostly for the absence of beer Returnees - numerous Anniversaries – Stiff Fanny – 70 runs, HMV – 65 runs, Nipper – 75 runs, Mummy’s Boy 115 runs, El Pulpo 400 runs

5 Visitors - all who were brought along by Eggshell Blond and Lilo Lil The Circle was then handed over to his Flakeyness who handed out penances to those who had sinned – With the absence of a block of ice, a substitute was quickly found which turned out to be a plastic potty filled with 4 cans of nicely chilled beer, Dipper was the first recipient of the ice block alternative due to the lack of beer at the end of the run.

Dogs Bollox was the next recipient – why? I can’t remember El Pulpo for being El Pulpo Shit Shoveler and Sir Roy – dogs fighting and dumping in the circle The circle was then handed over to El Pulpo for his award ceremony Dipper and Flakey – given pairs of specs to enable them to watch TV. Before Sky they used to watch very grainy porn which sometimes you could see and sometimes not.

Willy Wankers Willy Warmer – El Pulpo’s stopper. To be kept warm Up Yer Bum and Bagpuss – a strap a dick to me, for lesbian exploits in Cazorla when they could have had El Pulpo The circle was closed and it was On On to Flakeys pad for swimming, canapйs, dancing, mucho drinking and a BBQ.

Many thanks to those who cooked and prepared the food, Stiff Fanny, Willy Wankers Willy Warmer, Stitched Up and to Flakey for the use of his home.

Run  926 - Casa Gangplanks
Monday 19th June

Hares- Gangplank

Run Report  coming

Run  925 - Casa Stiffs Pool Party
Monday 12th June

Hares- Stiffs
Run Report  coming

Casa Stiffs group shot	Pia climbing	More climbing	Beer Stop	Circle
Flakey & Areola	The Hares	Harriets	Present for Stiff	Circle
Head massage	Spittoon looking happy	Hash orgy?

 

Run  923/924 -The Iberian Interhash weekend
Friday until Monday 2nd-5th June

Hares- tba
Run Report from El Pulpo coming

Sunday Hares	Ariola	Beer Stop	Breakfast
		Cazorla village	On the run
	Check back 40!!!!!		Little stiff	2 RA´s
	Ra gets dunked		Hash Hymn	Hills are alive...
Ireula Castle	Mangina	New Down Downs	New Mugs	Saturday Hares
Saturday Group	Sunday Run

 

Run  922 -Near Ojen
Mon 29th May

Hares- Shagadelic and Tight-Arse

Well I’m going to make sure that I’m not last again, not only do you have to wear that moth-eaten sweaty hat during the run but you’ve got to do the write-up as well!

About 20+ hashers arrived at the run site just off the Ojen Rd and promptly at 7:22pm we were off with Shagadelic’s plea to find her mobile phone ringing in our ears. The first 5 minutes of the run were spent, not looking for the trail but looking for the phone. Hash Cash spotted it and retrieved it so then we could resume searching for flour and paper and follow the trail. The start went up to the pylon before heading down through prickles and all sorts of undergrowth before emerging onto a road. The 2 way split had half the pack going up and the rest going down. Much better to go down so off we went left down the road before hitting the CB4 and turning us front runners round to retrace our steps to a path up on the right. This trail went round the hill before heading down a vertical shiggy trail with no hand-holds which eventually hit another road. Here the FRB’s sprinted off like headless chickens, ignoring the river on our right, even though the Hare had said that we would get our feet wet. So the FRB’s hit the checkback whilst we checked the river to find the trail. Up the river we scrambled over and under branches, across slippery rocks before running out of trail.

Flakey decided to test the waterproofness of the mobile phones whilst the rest of the pack searched for the trail. A false trail up to the right was followed before the trail was found upto the left. After all the downhill it had to go up sometime which it did, up and up before ending up on a contour path. Another CB4 then took us back and up to the welcome beer stop. We were eaten alive by the flies as we waited for the tailenders and then it was back up the road to the run site.

The GM being AWOL, Stiffanny took charge only to relinquish control and hand-over to a Surrogate GM, Willy Wankers Willy Warmer who then gave out the following Down Downs :- Shaggadelic and Tight-Arse – Hares with a mark of 8.5 for a good run, despite the prickles Visitors – Anne and Martin Stiffanny – dereliction of duty XGMs – El Pulpo, Stiffanny and Limp Toed Sloth Kindergarten Cop – Mugless

Chaos then returned to the circle with the arrival of RAness, Flakey, who competed with a family of goats and passing traffic, to suitably absolve the hashers sins :- Shagadelic – losing mobile phone Tightarse – assuring Flakey that the water would be no problem HMV – something about a drummer Willy Wanker and WW’s Willy Warmer, Knock out Neptune – Sole conversation is about Septic Tanks Shagadelic – Noise Pollution, ringing that lost mobile phone Swiss Roll – wearing a jumper as a pair of trousers!

The circle ended and it was ON ON to the Venta for another good evening.

 

ON ON

Big Bitch

Run  921 -Sohail Castle
Mon 22nd May

Hare: Dogs Bollox
Disaster, I forgot we ran from there on the Barnes weekend 3 weeks ago. I tried to fool everyone by running it backwards but to no avail. not only that but marking had been brushed away & it need a phone call from Mountie to re-establish the trail. I was sussed & consequently roasted alive. Just glad there was no ice around or I would now have a serious case of piles.

Marked at 7/10 - I think the GM felt sorry for me because most hashers gave me less than 5 except Gangplank who gave me 9.99 as he wanted to stay overnight.

I think I made up for it cos the curry night at Hostel Dogsy got a distinct thumbs up. With more than a little help from Up-yer-Bum

On-on - Iґll try better next time, honest.

Dogsy

Group shot	On-in	Flackey - RA	Beer monitors	Mountie & Mum
				Hare - Dogs

 

Run  920 - Marbesa
Mon 15th May

Hares: El Pulpo
First Monday run set by our founding father. Lots of good trails awarded 8/10. German BBQ to follow.

Run  919 -Monda
Sun 7th May No report, just this photo

Hares: Knockout Neptune

 

Run  917/8 - Barnes Weekend
Sat/Sun 29th/30th April

Hares: 917-Jerry Can 918-Flakey & Karma K
 

Run 918.             Barnes W/E Finale.                   Sunday 2nd May 2006.

                                      To commemorate the visit of Barnes HHH & to prove that I can write I now have no less than 3 run reports from the last 6 weeks written & ready for typing. However this report will precede the 2 others I owe due to your scribes current lack of domestic, secretarial & sexual slaves.(Applications invited).

As  for the previous day's Hash a pack of over 60 was gathered on a fine afternoon at Buggy's Sports Club, with 24 of the Barnes contingent still hanging in after 2 heavy Costa nights. The trail started  off in the shiggy littered riverbed by the Mijas road but was soon diverted thro 'building sites,road cuttings & tunnels into a series of lanes serving a myriad of smallholdings. Having negotiated this part the pack was split up over quite a distance before arriving at a succulent (perhaps not for drinking) stream in which all were compelled for the next half km. to soak their feet, ankles, knees & in the case of the slightly unsteady, much more. On then back to dry earth & under the motorway into open countryside with a neat check at the next gully which confused & beguiled some of the Barnes mob, one of whom had perceived a curved arrow marked in flour to be a question mark!!! (International Hashers?)

Arrivals at the beer stop were timed in over a 40 minute period after which the last couple of km. was downhill thro' some dense foliage followed by a lengthy on-in along an almost dry riverbed which was a bit of a stagger for those who had had time for more than 3 beers & few of GM Stiffy's delicious chocolate brownies.

In the circle the Hares deservedly were awarded 8/10 for a great run around well worn hash territory. RA Dipper then made full use of the ice at his disposal punishing Jerrycan for the failure of the Barnes GM to be there for this run.(Apparently a joint in Morrocco took preference).Knockout Neptune & Willy Wanker came next & now know what to expect if they do not pay strict attention to the words & actions of our esteemed RA. Suffice it to say that 2 sizeable chunks of ice were practically melted by bum friction at the end of the circle.

Fish & chips, staks, wine & live music all combined to make the On-On at Buggy's Manhattan restaurant a memorable evening.Thanks for coming Barnes.

 

On-On,

 

El Pulpo.

Run  916 - Torremolinos Hills
Sunday 23rd April

Hares: Swiss Roll & Kindergarten Kop

Oxfam to send in report.
 

Run  915 - Barranco Blanco
Sunday 16th April

Hares: Hares: Spittoon, Semi Retard

Mounty to send in report.

 

Run  914 - La Mairena
Sunday 9th April

Hares: Lilo Lil, Eggshell with a little help from friends

Someone has to be last ,so its my turn to write the report of the Elviria run.

 

.Good turnout about 30 eager hash house harriers ready to conquer the mountains ,hills and river of beautiful Elviria or more whats left of the beautiful country side..

 

.Could not believe how much building  has been going on in the past couple of years that we didn't hash in this area. Urbanization's that have mushroomed all over the beautiful hills , tarmac  roads were the dirt trucks existed. 

Our brave hairs took on the hills and the trails and set a great run,

 

Very good use of the river bed that was in its splendour after some rain this winter, up to our waists we were warned so kindly by our hares, that is lilo Ly's waist  my waist is a bit lower being a midget and the poor  hash hound had it even more difficult he just could not reach the bottom and had to swim for his out most displeasure (he hates water,) so Dogs bolc's took pity on Brandy and had to carry him most of the first half. .

 

The day was a bit overcast and muggy just as well as we did spend most of the run in water so it was very pleasant, the area had  good climbing  and down hills . Spring was  in its fool splendour ,    flowers in bloom, white ,pinks and purple hills surrounding the harriers as they huffed and puffed to the beer stop to quench their thirst and taste lilos Lil's buns..... 

Up and down to the river again after passing a couple of swingers Golden Cascade and lilo Lil's girlfriend????

Good circle , most of us had been cleansed of our many sins , had I sins that much  because I cant remember much after the 4th beer.  Cant comment on the on on on as didn't make it.

On on

 up yer bum

Marks 9/10, Runners 30

Run  913 - Alhaurin area
Sunday 2nd April

Hares: Spittoon, Semi Retard

RUN No 913 

A WALK IN THE CLOUDS  : 

Yet again the pack was sent out by the Alhaurin Campo Boys into well trodden territory.  Such a vast empire they claim to have conquered and they continue to subject us to repeated viewing of the same rocks, trees, birds, etc.

 From the start the pack floundered helplessly due to a lack of markings before entering the wooded hillside above Hotel Miramar.  Some time later, having lost the trail about four times, a few committed hashers staggered up a fairly steep escarpment over which appeared the beerstop.  Such efforts, however, were not really necessary as most of the pack, disinclined to believe any more trail markers within 100 metres of each other, ambled round the outside of said escarpment and arrived at the beer stop before those on the trail.

 On the second half there was little cause for excitement apart from the proximity of hives of bees close to part of the trail.  The majority of the pack, realising they were close to home, abandoned the trail and ran straight on in, your scribe dutifully showing inexperienced hashers and newcomers the correct way to hash.  This lead us through a most pleasant part of the run around a little local urbanisation and we came in some 20 minutes later.

 The Hares were made to suffer for subjecting the pack to such an uninspiring event, making an average of 2 out of 10 for their effort, and were forced to spend long enough on RA Flakeyґs substitute ice blocks (cold beer in the ice box lids) for las chicas of the Hash to admire and photograph the genitalia being sportingly displayed.

 Shagadelicґs gorgeous Amazonian friend, a Hash Virgin, Fabiola, was then brought into the circle at which point Karma Chameleon decided a photograph up her very short skirt might appeal.  Stupid bastard tried three times before he realised what was going on and each time he had been looking at the image on his digital screen and taking photographs into the ground.  Hail the Chief of Hash Intelligence.

  On On,

 EL PULPO

 P.S. This was the run when Tight Arse was finally persuaded to part with some money and buy a Hash T shirt rather than wearing a borrowed one

Marks 2/10,

 

Run  912 - Ojen road
Sunday 26th March

Hares: Stiffs

Marks 9/10,

Well here I am serving my penance for being the late arrival at the run this week. Run 912 started this week from just behind La Caсada, Marbella. It was glorious weather with the sun shinning to welcome the first day of spring. We left the car park on a gentle up slope to crest the hill and see……… a cement works (or some such.) Hmmmm I’m a bit unsure of the scenery here. Hold on we’ve hung a right  and now we’re following a path through pine trees that opens out onto a grassy meadow. The trail led up to the crest of the hill (a nice bit of exercise with the sun on your back) and then descend on the other side. Descend being the operative word. If I’d had a parachute , base jumping would have solved the whole query as to how to get down. As it was, Bendover found the answer. Go down on your bum and use your elbows as brakes. What’s a bit of skin and a few rocks between friends.    Hold on, the trails going up another hill. And boy what a hill. Everything is green and lush and sprinkled with spring flowers. (Wow the sun really was quite hot.) When we reached the top, what awesome views. Inland across to La Concha and down over Marbella and out to sea. A Nun’s outfit and a couple of goats and I could have broken into the sound of Music. Thank god a short stroll away was the beer stop and some excellent chocolate brownies.    The second half started on  a downward slope to the stream at the bottom of the Valley. At some point here Golden Cascade decided to follow her own trail and went off at a complete tangent to the rest of the Hash.    The problem with going down into a valley is you have to go up the other side. This was a serious hill. Why oh why oh why leave it to the end of the run when I’m completely knackered??? I finally reached the top in desperate need of oxygen and sweating buckets. There is a gentle run in back to the car park, the circle and a well deserved beer. Where I was christened. I wasn’t expecting or ready for that at all!!!!! All in all an excellent hash in beautiful countryside with stunning views and some testing hills. That earned the hares a well deserved 9.     Stooby  (Tight Arse.)

 

Run  911 - Off Mijas golf Rd- Sir Roys 80th Birthday & St Paddyґs day
Sunday 19th March

Hares: Flakey & sir Roy

IReport Needed please. On-on at Sir Roys house.

 

Run  910 - Barranco blanco
Sunday 12th March

Hares: Bagpuss & Mummies Boy

It is with great pleasure that I find myself lumbered with writing the poxy hash sheet.... 

 

What can I say, well the marks - a staggering 9.5 out of ten on the "rectum scale" say it all - Hardly wrecked anyone in fact, a gentle stroll - Just as all good hashes should be.  In my humble opinion anyway!!

 

The access to the run site was fucking terrible, well it was for me anyway due to the daft car I choose to drive. (not really sure why I am complaining as I used to live next door to this run!!!)  Wet feet were guaranteed - some of the pack seemed suprised that there were not forwarned to bring a change of shoes??!!  Strange chaps hashers!!  Beer stop on top of a hill, breif cirle with the christning of "call girl"  or was it "international call girl", come to think of it, might have been "cheap call girl"  cant really remember myself.

 

On On to some Kraut gaff where hungarian fodder was served, though not in abundence.  The wine was fucking dreadful, but the girl behind the bar was the sweetest thing I have seen in a while.....

 

On On 4 ever  Pervertus Maxiums

 

PS - Bit breif - appear to be suffering from alcohol induced "alkerseltzerheimers" again............

 

 

Run  909- Estepona
Sunday 5th March

Hares: Limp toed sloth

No pictures, no report.

Run  908- Sohail Castle
Sunday 26th February

Hares: Up yer bum & Terry

Points 8/10  Good on-on in the stables with mucho vino.

Gangplanks thai massage

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Gangplanks thai massage

Runs 903,904,905,906,907

RUN NO. 907      Bit of run number juggling going on!!

 HARES :  SPARKY AND GANGPLANK, LIDL CARPARK IN COIN

 Although our loyal GM et famille had telephoned Hare Gangplank to inform him that her entourage, and I, were running slightly late, explaining that we’d be another thirty minutes AND being assured the hash was not starting until 4.00  (by the aforementioned Gangplank), we were subsequently bollocked by the ever ready standin GM Limp Toed Sloth (and others). 

 Having missed the circle and resisting the urge to visit a small cafй to recuperate from an extremely alcoholic and leisurely lunch in the sunshine on the elegant Marbella seafront, we sluggishly set off up a hill in hot pursuit of  the rest of the pack through some, initially, rather unintersting scenery.  The old town was more interesting and luckily for us the markings were excellent although we did every false trail.  Eventually, surprisingly, we arrived at the beer stop a la Casa Sparky’s vastly renovated and unrecognisable abode. The GM, Stiffita and I were not the last to arrive as it would appear that Bagpuss and Bendover had taken a wrong turn or perhaps chosen the sensible option of a bun and a cappucino in the cafй.  I cannot  comment on the rest of the “run” as Sparky and I did a quick clean up and humped the coolboxes into his car where I cadged a lift.   It would appear that Sparky was foolishly hoping to set the second part of the run in sight of the cars but we spied El Pulpo sheltering under the awnings of the said hypermarket, quickly followed by the rest of the pack and, finally, Bagpuss and Bendover.  

 As rain commenced it was decided to abort Run No 907 and adjourn to Casa Gangplank for the circle. Party hats and celebratory birthday cake were provided in honour of the birthdays boys and girl.  Spittoon, celebrating his sixtieth birthday, sported a new haircut and beard trim.  After imbibing copious quantities of extremely quaffable gluhwein we christened our American cousin Andrea, Septic Wank, without the aid of a plastic bag which she requested.  We think the run made a very reasonable 7.5 due mainly to the said gluhwein and the fact that the Hares stood in at such short notice.

 On On Stitched Up with help from Stiff

Run 906

CLOUDED OUT ON LA LONCHA

 HARES :  STITCHED UP AND MUMMYґS BOY

 Having been assured by the Hares prior to the run that the vistas we were to behold were incredible and unmissable (based on their recce the previous week) the pack set off uphill in drizzly rain and after a few hundred metres into the clouds from which this precipitated.  Since my memory is as misty as the mountain was that day itґs just as well I donґt have these views to recall.  It was however a long hard slippery haul up to the mountainside causing a few to turn back.  Not so the Willy Wanker dogs who revelled in the conditions taking great delight in splashing and muddying all in their path.  Eventually, with chattering teeth, the pack rose almost out of the clouds onto a peak whereupon they were confronted by an enormous steel cross.  Any preconceptions that we had arrived in the wrong kingdom were soon allayed by the jovial sound of Stiff Fannyґs Dick who had heroically hauled beers and snacks for us to partake at this normally astonishly astounding viewpoint.   Stiffyґs rock cakes were devoured with such relish that the event could justifiably be remembered as Sunday at the Hard Rock Hilltop Cafй.

 After the beerstop the descent was, to put it mildly, gruelling and gravely and somewhat treacherous to begin, added to which almost sub zero temperatures made the discomfort complete.  A few spills were taken. Not least Stiff Fanny (ever attention seeking having just had her “rocks” off) arrived at the On In waving a suitably bloodied hand to warrant immediate attention from all the male hashers who thought sheґd have to take off her shirt to receive treatment.

 From a historical (hysterical) cultural sporting research viewpoint the tumbledown ruin of a building passed on the return trail just before the On In and labelled Centro de Investigacion de Cinegetica (art of hunting) was in fact, at one time, a centre for the study of wild game animals in their natural habitat – then the developers moved in.

 A great circle was held with down downs for those who didnґt complete the run and especially Sheep Shagger who didnґt even start, supposedly because heґd ended up in a ditch with his car the previous night.  The Hares were awarded a very creditable 8 for their efforts in extreme conditions.

 After temperatures of only 3 degrees on the run I vaguely remember a cosy On-On in some roadside restaurant just outside Ojen.  It charged €12 extra for white wine which no-one was prepared to pay for and offered us no Pacharбn.  Maybe thatґs why weґve never returned.

 On On

 EL PULPO 

 

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Run 900/901

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Run  902- Lew Hoads Tennis Club
Sunday 8th January 2006

Hares: Karma, Golden Cascade & Paul

Points 8/10 Well set first half on some familiar territory.

 

Run  899-New Years day run
Sunday 1st January 2006

Hares: Dipper