Hares –
Flakey & 5 Mil
After Flakey’s
complaints of no checks at last weeks run, this weeks run
was billed as
Flakeys: Pre-Christmas Run.
(It
doesn’t get better than this)
Well you won’t get a
better run than this in beautiful countryside but has Flakey
forgotten what the Hash is? The Hash is not a run. A Hash is
meant to have lots of checks enabling the slow runners to
catch up with the FRB’s but this run also had very few
checks to keep the pack together. Around 40+ hashers turned
up at Entrerrios and fairly promptly at 3:42pm we were set
off. Up an over a couple of hills to the first of the few
checks. The trail went left but by this time the pack was
well and truly split up. We continued up and over a few
hills before ending up on a contour path which brought us
along a ridge above the next check. Here Dipper thought of
short cutting down to a path on the right but thought better
of it and continued to the check. Here most people saw the
river down to the left and headed that way. The trail
however went right along a trail before heading down a steep
shiggy path and the inevitable river crossing. We must have
crossed that river 25 times as we zigzagged back and forth,
crawling under prickly bushes and fallen trees, along the
banks. Eventually we emerged from the undergrowth at the
bottom of a steep slope where the only way was up but with
the welcome sight of the Beer Stop at the top. This was
Flakey’s saving grace,
mulled wine
and mince pies. Fantastic! At the BS stop hashers compared
their injuries from the river crawl, scrapes here and
scratches there. Eggshell Blond showed off his new designer
style ripped t-shirt where the thorns had torn the very
expensive material. Then it was ON ON for the second half of
the run, just as Up Yer Bum emerged from the undergrowth and
she wasn’t smiling! The second half tho’ only a quarter of
the length of the first half had the same number of checks
as the first. After a lot of to’ing and fro’ing along
various rough tracks we saw the road ahead and the welcome
sight of the On In, where more mulled wine was on offer.
Back at the run site
the local ranger arrived and informed Flakey that we had
been trespassing and that we shouldn’t be on that land. So
he said we’re sorry and that we wouldn’t do it again. Well
not until the next time!
The mulled wine
continued to flow and the circle was held by Stiff Fanny in
the absence of the GM. Dipper and Flakey also cleansed the
Hash of sinners and christened 5 people.
Aase – to be known as
Extras
Lee – to be known as
Streak of Piss
Teresa – to be known
as Fuckall
A young Russian – to
be known as Putitin
Sam – to be known as
Stretch
Then it was off to the
On On for food and lots of singing by Dipper.
Run
951
- Elveria - Marks 8
Sunday 3rd Dec
Hares –
P-lips and Call Girl
A few people had trouble finding
the start of last weeks run, Spitoon and Limp Toed Sloth were up and
down the N340 many times. Kindergarden Kop and Tight Arse also got lost
and wanted white signs not brown signs! Shagadelic turned up in her
pyjamas and was looking for hash attire, not having been home for 2
nights. Up Yer Bum appeared with her tales of being robbed, at
knifepoint by gypsies in Fuengirola. She was robbed of her dog and her
watch, guess what she got back and it wasn’t her watch.
So we eventually set off about 4pm
despite being asked to be there by 3:30pm because of the early sunset.
The trail started by retracing our steps back along the road before
heading along a rocky dry streambed which then led us to an open area
with a 2 way split. Here confusion reigned as we tried to find the
trail, checking right and left and straight on before eventually finding
it. Along the stream bed and then up the hill to the bridge across the
N340. from here we wound our way through a park and sidestreets before
being directed down to the beach. A good run along the beach with the
pack well and truly spread out as we searched for flour on the beach ,
eventually Limp Toed Sloth found the BS and we headed in land to the
beer stop. Delicious Brownies as well as the usual refreshments. The
second half took us back through more houses to another footbridge over
the N340 and through the bike track where the local bikers had
obliterated the flour with their wheelies. Trail was eventually found
which took us back onto the outward road and On In. A nice run but with
too few checks.
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Group shot
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Mummy´s Boy
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Hares
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Run
950
- La Cala - Marks - low
Sunday 26th Nov
Hares- Sheep shagger.
No pics, no report, but hare got Hash
Shit award for this one so better forgotten.
Run
949
- Mijas mountains - Marks 8
Sunday 19th Nov
Hares- Septic Scrotom & Tight Arse
Jack the dog
scribing for the first time – if Flakey reads this; quite possibly the last.
Shaggy drives erratically, I put up
with this malarkey for the sake of a decent hash around the campo. I get to
sniff the other dogs’ bums and round up a pack of t-shirted ne’er do wells
whilst shitting along new paths on the way.
I circled the circle, Tight Arse &
Septic Scrotum – looking rather smug with them selves. Shouting orders in the
circle. Ugghff!
I was off barging past these slow wits
looking for an F in Flour. There might as well be a sign with BEER STOP hanging
from the top mast on the mountain - Septic set it for dog’s sake.
Climb, keep climbing listening to this
lot talk shite on the way up – I gave up on Shaggy, Spittoon would round her up
for me – his mother must have been a retriever.
Why can’t I have Streaky – minus the
lurchers – that’d show the young pup who’s boss on this hash.
All that way to the View Point - was I
the only one to find the Guinness??? … a glorious view, piss on the rock and
lie back with pint of the black stuff to revive me. Thanks lads.
Mummy’s Boy was mad enough to think
those two comedians had really set up their stall at the top – we’d covered this
mountain on foot, paws in puke and just about on every path last week (yeah
Septic) – EVERYONE knows getting down involves bad knees and back ache.
So I left him to it – keep climbing sucker.
The fast guys gave me a run for my tin
of dog food – Glyn Kindergarten Kop, Limp Toed certainly aint limp.
Back at the circle, I was last dog in
again : I need to ditch the bitch. Doesn’t Shaggy ever think to bring water for
me. Turd on a Rope has UP yer Bum under control. Water: hoorah!
One Hung Low was shooting away at
everyone so I slunk over to his car and cocked a leg – what the hell I’d already
fouled the trail.
Next, this guy they call the RA (more
like Father Ted’s deranged cousin) came home from exile in Bangkok emerged with
some crack whores knickers on his head. Claiming he was 45 again – the religious
git had picked up Alzheimer’s on his travels.
There’s no cream for the number of runs
he’d done, still the whole circle celebrated some fact with a Birthday cake. I
started growling and barking, well frankly I was bored – what beggars belief is
the number of down downs they can get though without so much as a thought for my
welfare.
So Septic got a well earned virgin
hashers 8. Was I wagging my tail?
I was dragged off to the van once again
whilst the smell of roasting pork and marinating chicken drifted out on a chilly
autumn night. All I could hear was “pork, tripe, pork who wants soup, hands up
for food.” I fell asleep dreaming of a doggy bag, and police cars chasing this
pack over the hills.
On On (grrrr)
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Group shot
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Virgin hasher
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No dogs on the hash
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Chrisp munchers
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Birthday boy
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Hat from Chang Mai
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Blonds in high heels
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The On-on
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Rule 6 - No poofs on the hash
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Dancing
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Kareoke
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Run
948
- Rio Grande - Marks 9.1
Sunday 12th Nov
Hares- The Wallys
Run
947
- Viejo Camino de Malaga - Alhaurin Marks 7.5
Sunday 5th Nov
Hares- Semi Retard/Spittoon
Thanks to my mums (Streaky) fantastic navigational skills
we managed to render ourselves lost in Alhaurin Grande on route to my second
ever Hash.
With a little luck and a helpful oval shaped Spaniard I found myself surrounded
by a healthy, youthful and whitey committee of people that claim they were not a
running club, they were a drinking club with a running problem…We formed a
circle, words and laughter exchanged and onward we ran.
The run overall rated as a 7.5 was indeed enjoyed by most,
mainly road running than off course, the views were amazing as well as the
pickings of fruit along the way, false trails and check backs were plenty –
myself managing to encounter each one (someone’s a little sore today!).
About 45mins into the run I found myself in a familiar
state of exhaustion, the only sound of my heart beat and fading foot steps to be
heard, my vision blurred and to top it off wild hallucinations – a mirage of a
great house, featuring a feast of croutons smothered in cream cheese toped with
a cherry tomato, garlic salami ham, cheese and pineapple sticks sided by an
array of dips all complemented by crisps, popcorn, sugar sprinkled sponge cakes
and mouth watering sliced oranges mixed with a fruit I’ve not meet before… and
to really add salt to a wound – ice cold beer and water! If only it was true…..
But then two words saved me, those magical words, BEER STOP! (special thanks to
Semi Retard for the use of his house)
In all I had a fantastic day, On On was Chinese and wine
was to taste, shall we not mention spring rolls any time soon hey.
Looking forward to Seeing you all at the next Hash.
Lee
On-On
Run
946
- Casa Gangplanks
Sunday 29nd Oct
Hares- Gangplank/Padlock (Marks awarded
7/10)
Stand still Limp-toad!!
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Witces & Warlocks
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Winning witch
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Witches of Eastwick
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Willy
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Witches
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Christenings
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Christenings
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Kitchen
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Dinner
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The hash met up in Lidls
carpark with around 40 present, most having made the effort of Fancy dress for
Halloween. Gangplank, as usual complaining about the amount he had spent & hoped
he wasnґt going to lose money.
The run
was thru town in the first half with some bemused Spanish wondering what was
going on. Second half out of town thru the river seco to gangplanks house where
there was total confusion about how to get the cars back which were about 5 Kms.
away.
Willy
Wankers WW won the best dressed witch award. Dogsy did a superb job as RA with
short notice having also completed 475 runs - get a life.
2
christenings - we now have a pooper-scooper & a cheap-as-tits.
Fantastic
food & booze (including port & cheese) as usual supplied by Gangplank with a
little help this time.
On-on
Dogsy
Run
945
- Mijas golf road
Sunday 22nd Oct
Hares- Up yer bum/Dogs Bollox
(Marks awarded 9/10!!!)
Up yer bum and dogs bollox did their utmost to confuse the 40 +
(and that’s just the ages )
of people who turned up for
the hill climb through the Mijas mountains ,we all could have
benefited from the use of ropes, pitons and oxygen masks , but
being hashers , beer and the occasional crafty fag seemed to suffice.
But in fairness what goes up must
come down and after gorging on Doritos and dips ,and the liberal quaffing of
copious amounts of beer and soft drink at the standard half way point
beer stop we were all ready for more but DOWN hill of course , the return
was both a pleasure in view, and interesting in route, with some nice brambles
thrown in purely to prickle the senses the lovely route had failed to touch ,
Overall a stunning nine points was returned by the hashing judges. And for me
one of the best I have done in my short calf injured tenure as a hash house
harrier.
On return a hash wedding was
performed for some visiting newly wed hashers , and the many misdemeanors and
accolades of the day were lovingly and eloquently judged upon by the one
and only Dipper .. who in fairness knew, as many do, of the importance and
significance of additional alcohol consumption for those not able to avoid the
circle
A well done you sad Ass to
El Cid who completed his 600th run .
For may his brain be tested and his
trainers arrested before he’s allowed to do 600 more
The on on was done with typical
flair , with calamares or chicken , and some soup of strange origin , lots
of wine being fine and cos this is becoming a rhyme ill finish mine
Howard
Run
944
- Nueve Andalucia
Sunday 15th Oct
Hare- Big Bitch/Hash Cash
About 25 hashers and 2 dogs met up
in (Posh Nueva Andalucia) for run no 944. The instructions and markings
for getting to the run were so good that no one got lost and we were
able to start promptly. The GM introduced a virgin hasher from Amsterdam
and we were off.
We left the lake and ducks behind
and climbed slowly and steadily into the hills. The run was very well
marked and we were treated to wonderful scenery whilst skirting round
the Istan reservoir. The pack kept together well due to a few cunning
checks. A blue car was spotted and was mistaken for the drinks stop, it
was in fact a young couple looking for a quiet place for a bit of
nookie. After the drinks stop we came down the hill off the reservoir
road into the upmarket accommodation were we met a pretty jersey
coloured cat who followed us home. On On through some prickly scrubland
up a rope assisted slope and back to Turtle Lake and the bins.
Limp Toed Sloth took charge of the
circle issuing lots of down downs interrupted continuously by Spitoon’s
verbal diarrhoea. He willingly showed off his brown bum whilst sitting
on icy water as a punishment.
Everyone was very complimentary
about the run giving the hares, Big Bitch and Hash Cash, an average of
9. Didn’t they do well?
The On On was held at a nearby
Indian restaurant where we had masses of food and wine.
On On
Plips
