Run 1661 - 13 Oct 2019
A HUGE Thank You to Rob The Knob for putting on a great bash and for his financial support on this run.
“The Palindromic Brexit Run”
Hares: Just Say Gwen and Rob the Knob.
One of the purposes of this run - apart from yet another attempt at sending several Hashers flying off a cliff – was to celebrate Rob the Nob's 40 years of Hashing. For those readers unfamiliar with said Rob, let me describe him a bit: he is the product of a wondrous mixture of ancestors; British, Sri-Lankan, Pakistani and some German thrown in. He has a rather unruly crop of white hair and a bit of a clown-face and he loves telling porkers. Oh, and he's got a penchant for busses... In his spare time, he likes to paint his empty crates of beer in all kinds of colours and write slogans on the side of them.
He also loves taking his friends for a ride, whenever an excuse arises, and so his Hashing milestone was perfect to load us all on a bus and take us to Alhora for a day in the mountains. To make it even more memorable, the driver was instructed to find the most roundabout route to our destination so we could fully explore the onboard facilities – unfortunately, these didn't include a toilet, or even a rusty bucket to throw up in after an hour of wibbly wobbly mountain roads.
As we finally stumbled out of the - by now, rather slippery – bus, our eyes were feasted on the magnificent view of the Alora valley, a good distraction for the steep massif looming behind us. This Himalayan-like plateau, known as “Montehacho” was, of course, today's destination and Rob the Knob hastily started to bombard us with his porkers: “this is an A to B run, there are no split trails, when you get to the beer stop there will be an gentle excursion to a gorge, led by Sir Flakey, there will be Cava, etc. etc.” I can't remember half of his pork pies, but some of his more ardent followers swallowed each and every one of them. Eggshell Blonde, to mention but one, was so surprised to find a split trail that he decided to wipe it out hurriedly, thereby sending his fellow runners off to a deadly precipe with no return...
And so, off and up we went and a little bit further up, and further still and yet higher, defying gravity and common sense until we made it to the beer-stop, where the Hares had organised a Rave for the survivors. There was disco music, booze and even “melón con jamón”! The only thing missing was a bag of e's, really. Joking aside, it was quite a scenic run and most people enjoyed it in spite of the odd hairy bit.
As I mentioned in the title, this was a Palindromic run; you could do it from one end as well as from the other with the same result. However, this was not to the liking of Sir Flakey... When he found out the Hares had omitted some of the really death-defying passages of the trail, where we could finally terminate some of the slow-coach Hashers, he threw his toys, dummy and donkey out of the pram and demanded that everyone would be sent to a certain death in the second half of the run. Well, in a situation like that, who are you gonna call? Trail Busters, of course!
A call was placed and Just Say Gwen jumped into the nearest phone booth, quickly stepped into her SuperHasher costume and flew out to the beer stop. She then proceeded to dump tons of flour at super speed and help provide Flakey with the cull he so desperately desired.
Those that made it back to the car park – the same place we had left from, obviously, as nothing was like we had been told – found splints for their broken bones, patched each other up as well as possible and grabbed a beer before the proceedings started.
Our beloved – ahem – GM , Kindergarden Cock Up - temporarily renamed after he managed to separate the coolers from the ice until the beer stop - started off the proceedings with the traditional rating of the run. The result was a 9.2, which is not surprising as those that didn't make it past the last cliff top were obviously not able to vote.
He then passed the helm to our wanna-be German, Colonic Irrigation, to try and cleanse people of their sins. Our R.A. had obviously been conferring with his compatriot Angela before this circle as his first victim was the guy with the unruly white hair and the face of a clown...
Now, legend has it that Anna Boleyn was rather pleased when she heard her executioner would be “The Swordsman of Calais”. She is rumoured to have said “He is an expert swordsman and I have only a tiny neck”. What history doesn't tell us, is if she then had some prepatory sessions with this man to make sure everything would go according to plan.
What we do know, is that Rob the Knob phoned Colonic a few days before the run and asked him the following question: “Colonic, how do you make ice?”. Now, apart from the fact that Rob is supposed to have a degree in Physics, this is even more surprising and right in line with the Anna Boleyn story as Colonic happens to be our R.A., a role not that dissimilar to that of the Swordsman. Colonic, of course, was glad to be of help: “Yu open ze gas oven, switch on ze gas and zen put yur head in eet”. Apparently this didn't work, so Rob looked elsewhere for help and finally produced a massive lump of ice that he then lovingly wrapped into a couple of towels to “keep it warm”.
So, Rob spent the best part of the 3-hour circle, sitting on his own block of ice, changing trousers 3 or 4 times (but never changing his rather fetching blue slip – Sandpaper Sally, take note ) while being down-downed a rate that was way faster than the decline of the Pound since the Brexit referendum.
Sir Flakey, not happy with Rob still standing up, then started him on his new training programme for “Down Down Champion of the World” - a feat he has accomplished no less than 4 times – to be held at the next Interhash. This consisted of drinking 3 litres of beer in one gulp, and to cut a long story short, don't put your money on Rob if you happen to be in Trinidad-Tobago next year...
The other half of the circle was taken up with the “aniversarios”: Chicken George 40 runs, Quicksand 75, Master Bates 110, Sandpaper Sally 120, Megasorass 155, Eggshell 180, Gang Bang 325, Colonic 395, Flakey 635, Mummy's Boy 665 and Up Yer Bum 745.. Get a life, all of you!
Things went quickly downhill from there and I completely lost track of the proceedings when Golden Cascade invited the bus driver to join the circle. She offered him a 0.0% beer and then started to give a simultaneous translation of everything that was being said. As her nattering was growing more incessant and the circle procedures weirder, he moved on to a Shandy and by the end of the circle had consumed half a cooler of Cruzcampo. This didn't change his driving behaviour much, except for turning towards Avila instead of Malaga on the way back; he eventually found an empty restaurant somewhere near Jaen that would have us – would have anyone really, we realized only too late – and we finally tucked into some hearty er.. food. Just joking, of course – the meal was excellent and more importantly, they let us misbehave in our own merry way without chucking us out. In fact, we didn't even have to do the washing up, as we usually do, since Rob The Knob paid for the whole caboodle! After forking out for the bus and the elegant polo (health warning: do not wear this polo at the house of your in-laws), he also covered the complete meal, I believe it came to 350 Million Quid in all.. A complete day out for 41 Hashers all on Robert the Knob's expenses; may he continue to hash for a long time!
On on Just Kid In'
Videos By Hash Flash - Olof (Master Bates)
Gallery 1 - Hash Flash Seaman Staines with a contribution by Rubher Turd.
Gallery 2 - Hash Flash Olof (Master Bates).
Next Run #1661
Rob The Knob Celebratory Run - Alora
A HUGE Thank You to Rob The Knobfor His Financial Support on This Run.
☛☛☛☛☛ New Time - Coach Departs 13:15 ☚☚☚☚☚
Sunday 13 Oct 2019 - Time 13:15 Coach Departs for Alora
Rob The Knob
Just Say When
Circle: Campo de Futbol
Calle Suspiros, 31
29500 Álora Málaga
Navigation to The Circle: For Guidance Only. Your Coach Departs from Camino de Campanales, Mijas Costa at 13:15
Google Maps link to the circle.
Latitude N 36.828102°, Longitude W–4.707831°
Directions to your Coach Boarding Stop: Coach Departs at 13:15
Google Maps link to your coach boarding stop at Camino de CampanalesMijas Costa.
Camino de Campanales. ***See navigation above***
OnOn: Venta el Punto (Subsidised by Rob the Knob)
Carretera A-7277, s/n
29551 Carratraca, Malaga.
Phone: 952 45 81 97
Navigation to The OnOn:
Google Maps link to the OnOn.
OnOn Menu: Subsidised by Rob the Knob
Entremeses: Ensalada Mixta, Aceitunas, Aloreñas, Croquetas Caseras.
1 Plato: Paella
2 Plato: Pollo en Salsa
Postre: Manzana o natillas.
Drinks Included- Refrescos ½ Botella de Vino persona.
Regular price €15:00. Rob the Knob has generously offered a €5.00 per person wining and dining subsidy. Thanks RTK.
Phone: +34 695 66 04 50