Run 1660 - 06 Oct 2019
The 6 Blob Run
(or “where’s the effin’ flour?”)
Hares: ‘Lilo Lill’ & ‘Sweet & low’
Location: Looks like Rickmak (or something – I can’t read Kindergarten Cop’s handwriting ‘cos he’s a teacher)
Number of runners: 22
Visiting Hashers: ‘Boxcar Willie’ & ‘Spanish Hooker’ (Key West H3)
Anniversary: ‘Rob the Knob’ 15
The sun was reflecting brightly off the personalised number plate on the poser’s Porche 911 Turbo S (which is a long way of saying “Penis”) which was parked ostentatiously just outside the the entrance to the site where no-one could miss it. ‘A ROBETS’ it said. “Must belong to some illiterate Northern git who can’t spell his own name” I thought to myself as I swung our brand-new Citroen C4 rental car into the site and screeched smartly to halt, hoping some of the many pretty girls on the hash would notice me. None of them did.
There was a comprehensive briefing from the hares and then the marks were studiously rubbed out, just in time for the late arrival of ‘Cabin Boy’ and far better-looking brother from Down Under and even better looking other half. No briefing for them though, as the markings had been rubbed out. Pity really, as that was just about the only flour we saw for the rest of that day. I assumed that they had retained it to bake a nice cake for the On-On and was mightily surprised when after the circle they handed me 8 bags of flour they apparently “didn’t need”. It’s nearly enough to lay next week’s run. Very kind of them.
But I digress…
22 athletic bodies set off at a smart clip and after 300m a small blob of flour heralded the start of a run. At the first split, I went left, breaking my own rule to always follow Bella, as she’s never wrong. The trail got narrower and thornier until I had to crawl on hands and knees. Suddenly it opened up and I was off again, having still not hearing anyone calling from the other direction and in any case, no way was I going back through those thorns. Suddenly I was utterly alone, exploring my own chain of hills while the hash proceeded along the hills parallel to me on the right. At one point I caught sight of them about a Km away. Easy eh? Just nip down into the valley and up the next hill and I’d be with them. But it doesn’t work like that on the terrain here does it? Despite my best efforts and the leech-like grip of my Decathlon shoes (I know they must be the best ‘cos ‘Kindergarten Cop’ has exactly the same ones) I couldn’t find a safe way down. Eventually the inevitable happened and I went down, leaving my arse looking like it does after ‘Sand Paper Sally’ has been playing some of her friskier bedroom games.
Eventually I re-joined the trail (what little there was of it) and started overtaking people who had either melted into helpless blobs, or had simply lost the will to live. This gave me a chance to study the methods used to lay flour on these runs. I saw only 3 blobs of flour before the Beer Stop. One was on the right, one on the left and one right in the middle. That’s when I realised that ‘Lilo Lill’ must have laid that bit especially for ‘Eggshell Blond’. With his eyes, laying flour left right and centre gives him a fighting chance of seeing at least every 3rd blob.
Suddenly my luck changed. I found myself jogging along right behind ‘Speed bumps’ who was jiggling right in front of me. Deserted easy stretch of trail, alone with ‘Speed Bumps’ in a grey gym slip, completely unaware that the most colossal pervert in the hashing world was behind her, wondering if her knickers might be bottle green or just plain white. If only I could catch a glimpse…Then suddenly God smiled, as her shoelace came undone and she had to stop and bend over to do it up. Quite by coincidence my shoelace happened to come undone as well and I had to bend down too. I now know that the colour of the day was in fact – and rather disappointingly – fluorescent yellow. But even so, the excitement made standing up again rather difficult.
Eventually we arrived at the beer stop which was superbly located in full sun, just 50m from the shade of some big trees. Have you guys all gone troppo or what? The dogs had the sense to go and lie in the shade, while the hashers stood around struggling to drink fluids quickly enough to try to match the rate of fluid loss caused by standing in the sun. It didn’t work out and eventually we all gave up and carried on before we all started to look like extras out of Lawrence of Arabia.
The last 2 Km were fairly easy, even in the absence of any flour and the monotony was broken by having an interesting chat with ‘Megasorass’ (did I spell that right?). I learned that he could change tap washers, mend a broken sink, fit a kitchen or build a tower block overnight. All this apparently without ever advertising. Really, appearances can be deceptive can’t they? It’s just as well sometimes.
Back at the start, the circle was quickly called as ‘Kindergarten Cop’ decreed it would. Not realising that who the RA would be, it was a shock to find that I had the honour of standing right next to his Holiness, who was none other than ‘From Behind’. It’s a good move guys to make a 7-foot grizzly bear the RA. No-one would dare defy him.
This was a new sort of circle experience to me. The hares stood in the middle and fiercely defied anyone to say anything bad about the trail. God they can be scary too! Some sycophants even gave it a 9.99999 I myself gave it an 8.64 fearing for my genital safety to go any lower. The overall average was 6.418 (I have a degree in mathematics so I know these things).
The singing was interesting too. Little laminated songs were handed out. I myself am not a fan of filthy songs as many of you know. I prefer hymns and nursery rhymes But some of these would make even ‘Dipper’ blush. I wanted to sing the Engineers Song, but it would have been far too clean. Additional entertainment was provided by a dog fight outside the circle. I didn’t think a Labrador could be enticed to fight but it did. Bella won.
There was a block of ice which was well used and not by me for a change. In fact, when team ice sitting was needed, the RA thoughtfully provided a new location by putting some ice cubes on a chair for ‘Speed Bumps. to sit on. They were notably absent when she was finally allowed up again.
Much alcohol was imbibed and then it was time to go to the On-on. There were two routes to the restaurant (the name of which I can’t remember), the safe one or a crazy shortcut that required taking your car through a pipe of some sort that narrowed in the middle, so it was just 2 microns wider than our car. We were stupid enough to follow ‘Kindergarten Cop’ and take that route. ‘Sand Paper Sally’ was driving with ‘Boxcar Willie’ and ‘Spanish Hooker’ in the back. As I was in the passenger seat I had the job of checking the clearance between the wall and our mirror with the feeler gauge I always carry around. We nearly made it through intact, until ‘Master Bates’, who we didn’t know was behind us, saw fit to honk his horn -why??? ‘Sand Paper Sal’ panicked and drove into the wall. Our brand new Citroen C4 now has a scratched wing mirror and there is, alas, no longer a fanny magnet.
The food at the On-On was I thought remarkably good and the location sitting outside as we were worked very well too. Thumbs up for that.
All in all, maybe the run wasn’t quite as bad as I have portrayed. Getting lost could possibly have been my fault and everyone got back alive. There as also a pipe to have sex in which was thoughtful of the Hares. I should be careful what I say really, as next week’s run is down to me and considering ‘Just Say When’ has just informed us that part of the trail has been washed away since we last laid it in June, it may be a bigger task than we thought. Good job we have 8 EXTRA bags of flour!
Next Run #1660
Sunday 06 Oct 2019 - Time 16:00
Sweet and Low
Circle: Ricmar, El Rosario, Elviria.
Near Arroyo Sequillo.
Navigation to The Circle:
Google Maps link to the circle.
Latitude N 36.5026420°, Longitude W–44.7979308°
Recommended route to the circle from Mijas.
From Fuengirola take A7 towards Marbella. Pass Elviria and continue to exit for English International College (exit immediately after Lidl and Mercadona). Go inland and find HHH signs to the parking on the left side.
From Marbella take A7 towards Fuengirola. Take exit for Elviria, cross bridge and enter A7 direction to Marbella. Continue to exit for English International College (exit immediately after Lidl and Mercadona). Go inland and find HHH signs to the parking on the left side.
***See navigation above***
Asian Mister Food
Av. Espana 27 Calahonda (first on the left when coming from El Zocco)
Navigation to The OnOn:
Google Maps link to the OnOn.
Price: Food: €9,50 Drink: Pay as you go.
Phone: +34 658 241 199