Run - 1924 - 4 August 2024
The hares, Sir Flakey and Bad Weasel, lured 23 hashers out to the wilds of Alhaurin el Grande with the promise of shady woods, gin and tonic and a swimming pool. But did they deliver?
Inspired by the Olympics, first out of the blocks and scooting down forest tracks to find the trail were Bloody Pinocchio, Running Nutz and Cardinal Colonic Irrigation, battling it out for gold, silver and bronze. The trees on the rocky trail became denser and shadier and the walkers soon lost sight of the front runners, meaning they had to search for the trail to keep up. Luckily, Bad Weasel was sweeping up any strays and pointing them in the right direction.
After many false trails, the hashers finally arrived at the beer stop, which was so much more than just a beer stop. There were vol-au-vents, quiches and crisps, washed down by not only beer, cava and softies, but by the promised pink gin and tonic, served by Sir Flakey in a gigantic silver trophy jug. The hashers didn’t want to leave!
But leave they did, carefully stepping over a chain across the forest path. However, From Behind, who had consumed many pink gin and tonics and was inspired by the French pole vaulter with the ‘bulge’, decided he would poleless vault over it. Bad idea. His bulge hit the chain and he flipped over it before hitting the deck, wounding both his pride and beloved skull drinking vessel.
Meanwhile, Bad Weasel was being a very bad weasel, and deliberately sent both his wife, Niagara Fanny Falls, and Blanka Wanka up the longest false split trail in hashing history. BAD Weasel!
If there was a gold medal for getting lost, STTI would have been a worthy winner, finding herself being saved and escorted into not only the beer stop but also into the circle.
So far, the hares had delivered on the first two of their three promises, as the forest trail was very shady and the gin and tonic had been greedily slurped down. So as the hashers neared the car park, they were eagerly searching for their swim stop. Where was the pool?
Then they saw it! Was it an Olympic-sized pool with a swim-up cocktail bar? Nope. Guess again! There was a tiny, inflated paddling pool, with Colonic’s rapidly-melting ice blocks bobbing around in it. How disappointing! Especially for Rick O’Shea, who was already barefoot and posing in his swimming trunks.
The Circle started, and despite the swimming pool disappointment, the hares were awarded an impressive 9.6 points, calculated by chief maths whiz, Mummy’s Boy.
Chicken George had arrived with a carful of returners and a virgin called Claire. She proved herself a true hasher when she chose the fullest beer cup from which to take her virgin down down. Definitely a champion drinker!
Pussy Galore, another champion drinker, was punished for getting so drunk that she fell asleep, forgetting to pick up the lovely Freckly Fanny from the airport.
Niagara Fanny Falls was the first to have the pleasure of the paddling pool ice plunge, displacing as much water as her name would suggest. Then both the hares took their deserved place in the rainbow-coloured pool. Last in was Rick O’Shea, to wash his muddy feet and (thankfully) make the pool unusable.
There were no gold Olympic medals to award, but several hashers had anniversaries. Happy Days 75, Aguasex 240, From Behind 240, Just In 280, Pussy Galore 425 and Cardinal Colonic 580. Get a life, guys!
Then it was off to South African restaurant, La Boma, for some delicious on on food.
Excellent trail, hares. Gold medal standard for sure, despite the paddling pool!
