Run - 1783 - 09 January 2022
Date: 09 January 2022
Hares: Speed Bumps and Parents
Run Number: 1783
Location: Zambrano School
Number of Hashers: 27
Virgins: John, Sharon and Chris
Visitors:
Run Score: 8.7
Anniversaries: Sir Rub Her Turd 380, Pisses Braidwee 25, Kaka Pants 35, Aquasex 150
Report: Scribe or Snitch, where to start. So many tales to tell. Hash Haberdash, was definitely Stiff after a non-Hash-related fall, and was displaying a black bottom to anyone who cared to look. A familiar venue from a few weeks ago and the Hare Speed Bumps had enlisted the help of her charming parents. The Virgins were called into the circle and requested to remember three Hash names each. The most beautiful sunny day on the Costa, and the hottest on record for this year!! There were some missing regulars, Covid19 Watch we heard, Colonic (Did he catch it to avoid The Wedding?) Gang Bang and Five Knuckle. We were given the signs and told there was a Macho and Wimps trail. The pack set off - Yogi Bear had morphed into a Dancing Bear, having recently had massage on his poorly feet - and we wandered aimlessly for a couple of minutes before discovering the trail led across a recently ploughed field. We tramped through soft soil, looking out for yet another angry farmer, possibly armed, but made it across the other side – maybe the schoolchildren could be responsible for the new furrows! We then found a split for the Macho and Wimps routes. The Hare had indicated the Macho was just a longer version of the Wimps so not to be afraid of it. With that in mind a good proportion of the group headed on the M trail which immediately led to a tunnel suited only to those the height of ants. SAS style got us though the somewhat muddy tube, where at the exit we discovered the Wimps had overtaken! The trail then led out onto a very pleasant part of Fuengirola Ayuntamiento with good paths. As usual people were busy talking and Mo (as yet unnamed) on her second hash was remarking how after a bad accident she had been virtually written off by the medics as anyone over ?..... was doomed. Proving them wrong, and like most of the predominantly Silver Surfers on Mijas HHH, she was galloping on. Others chit chatting and the trail had ended, so back along the track where Sir Flakey obviously has the nose for it, and with his trusty sniffer dogs, found the route up on the hillside through the bamboo. We were then high on a bluff with fabulous views. Kaka pants was waxing lyrical about the merits of iPhone 6 over iPhone 11 and subject to good school work and it being his birthday in a few weeks...... He really should have been speaking to John the Virgin – friend of Dead End – who despite still being a virtual teenager himself was apparently the B.....d who invented Cookies!!
The front runners had done a good job marking the checks and following a descent through our third tunnel of the day (maybe the Hare is addicted to them – we heard she is in the Tunnel of Love herself) the welcome beer stop came in to view. Much needed cold refreshment and delicious Cava and Christmas cake was consumed before heading off for the second half.
The front runners took off. There were a couple of checks. Sir Rub Her Turd shot off and was asked by Chutney Ferret, was he on – yes he was checking, checking yes but was actually standing on the first blob. Herring Choker found the on and From Behind took a short cut and became From In Front, but took a tumble, landing heavily on his shoulder. CF was close behind and heard the last words of FB when he fell. They were WHOOPS. Leaving him sitting like a garden gnome on a rock, Speed Bumps was called to the rescue via pin drop and the patient was taken back to the circle. Stiffany had by this time formed International Rescue and driven at break neck speed to her house to come back armed with slings, neck brace and TLC. However this was insluffient for his needs – such a demanding man – and he had to be taken to the Marbella Hospital. Of course the run continued and followed the river bed for quite some time before emerging on familiar territory on the roads around the car park.
Back in the circle we were surprised to find Blanka Wanka who carelessly missed the run thanks to an incident in La Calla the previous night where she was in a fight over her handbag, spent hours at several police stations, and will now be known as Muggins. From Behind, despite his dire injury had left RA post-it notes. Yogi ably took the job with Herring Choker having to interpret the notes from Norwegian and take a down-down for each one. The final announcement in the circle was Sir Flakey confirming the Hash Camp Out would be Friday 10 June to Sunday 12 June 2022. Details to be posted on the Website. Finally those going to the On On at Verona restaurant had a very good meal, interrupted only by frequent text messages from the hospital with updates from From Behind which culminated in a request for a Pepperoni Pizza and a large bottle of Red wine!
