Run - 1976 - 27th July 2025
Run 1976
Sunday 27th July 2025
6 Hashers + 3 Hares
No Virgin’s or Visitor’s
Run Score 9.4
A third of Sunday's attendees were hares (Blanka Wanka) or beer bitches (Aguasex and From Behind, who appeared with his walking sticks and a trolley due to his bad back and did not sprinkle a single blob of flour).
However, the pack looked fit(ish) enough. They had been promised a flat, flat, flat trail, which in truth had a 3-metre decline, so not quite true.
Dead End went the wrong way at the first split and found himself in gloopy mud. Jerry Can, who had scooted ahead, found himself doing a check back when the pack emerged from the river. So he went from FRB to BRB. But how his superior hashing skills were needed by the now ahead pack! Kindergarten Cop came to a split and continued straight on, attempting to short cut when he found the F falsey, which backfired as he couldn't find flour until he stumbled on sweeper hare, Blanka Wanka, who was wondering where the main pack had gone. Lagging behind were the 'fabulous' foursome of Cardinal Colonic Irrigation, STTI, Rick O'Shea and Dead End. They were so busy gossiping that they'd not seen the split and were just following Kindergarten Cop.
No worries, after they'd caught up and bounced down the blanket of old algae covering all the rolling stones in the riverbed, they emerged by the beautifully scented sewage works. All six hashers were on trail! Miracle!
But the miracle didn't last long! FRB Jerry Can had spotted the large arrow and flour blobs leading to the shelter for the homeless dogs and scooted down the narrow lane.
Kindergarten, still recovering from his (obviously unsuccessful) eye surgery, ran straight past the giant arrow and continued straight on, despite there not being a speck of flour or chalk. He went on and on and on, finally appearing at the car park and experiencing a slight feeling of confusion and deja vu.
Sweeper hare, Blanka Wanka, convinced that none of the pack could miss the giant arrow, had scooted up the lane (correct route) in pursuit of Jerry Can. Confused that none of the pack had appeared, she scooted back and spied Rick O'Shea walking straight across the giant arrow in pursuit of the other three, who had yet again been gossiping so much that they weren't following trail but again following the wobbly eyed Kindergarten. Blanka screeched Rick O'Shea's name, but he didn't hear as his brand new hearing aid got destroyed when he dived into his swimming pool earlier this week.
Blanka decided to abandon Jerry Can, who was now miles ahead, as he was obviously the only one who had a clue about how to hash and could therefore look after himself. She caught up with rest of the pack, who'd gone through the car park whilst following Kindergarten, and found the in trail. They followed this, despite the arrows pointing the wrong direction and the ON IN being backwards. Long suffering Blanka got them back on trail and finally everyone regrouped at the beer and swim stop. Phew!
Meanwhile, beer bitches Aguasex and From Behind had been sat, supping beer, under a shady beach canopy with a lovely cooling sea breeze. They'd had none of poor Blanka's trail stress. Until ... there was a huge shriek from STTI! The lazy beer bitches had only put ONE bottle of cava into From Behind's sexy shopping trolley, i.e. the beer trolley! Desperate to extract the last golden drop from the bottle, she tipped it into her cup to find the bottle was actually half full. Disaster averted. The beer bitches looked mightily relieved to have escaped the wrath of the cava starved Aussie!
The pack managed to get back to the car park without incident, probably because they'd already done half the trail.
If there is a moral to this scribe, it must be to ALWAYS follow Jerry Can and NEVER follow Kindergarten Cop! (Although it would be even better to follow the flour and chalk marks!)
Once back at the Circle, the other seven bottles of cava were discovered by a thirsty STTI and a chaotically hysterical Circle commenced. There were only nine hashers but neither the GM or RA could control the chaos. Brilliant Circle. Punishments galore, including closet German fashion follower Aguasex peeing into a cup and Dead End sprinkling his wee wee whilst on the ice for Cardinal Colonic to drink. Wee wee. Everywhere. Mad!
Anyway, if you're still actually reading this drivel, Jerry Can will be haring on Sunday in Elviria. Let's hope he gets some hashers turn up who can actually follow trail as well as he can! On on!
