Run - 2005 - 15th February 2026
Mijas Hash House Harriers
Run 2005 – Sunday 15 February 2026
Location: on a hillside, Las Lagunas
(Geo-verified coordinates: 36°33’05.8”N, 4°38’20.1”W | Elevation: approximately 142 metres above sea level | Surface conditions: mixed tarmac and rural terrain | Wind exposure: moderate to theatrically disruptive | Satellite confirmation: successful | Potato proximity index: historic | Data analysis assisted by No Name Bobby, Official Unofficial Artificial Intelligence Scribe)
Good afternoon Hashers,
This report has been compiled by myself, Pisses Braidwee, your humble scribe, in collaboration with No Name Bobby, my AI friend, because apparently I now outsource memory, structure and basic competence to a machine.
We arrived at the circle on the old Potato Factory Road to find six to eight hashers already assembled… but no hares. Suspense. Anticipation. Mild dehydration.
Shortly thereafter our heroic hares — Five Knuckle Shuffle (225 runs) and Colonic Irrigation (650 runs) — arrived, and as if triggered by an invisible algorithm, the beer began to flow.
We had visitors from Sweden — welcome!
We had a virgin on the hash — good luck.
We had five dogs — which officially pushes us dangerously close to kennel classification.
The GM formed the circle. The wind was aggressive.
The hares unveiled the handcrafted stamping device for disturbing flour with the words “On On.”
However, due to wind distortion and/or creative interpretation, several members of the circle insisted it read “No No.”
Quality control review pending.
No Name Bobby has confirmed that font clarity under rural wind conditions remains statistically unreliable.
Sir Flaky and Stefani arrived bearing two Valentine’s balloons.
The first balloon escaped and was caught by From Behind (285 runs).
The second balloon also escaped and was caught by Blanca Wanka (170 runs) — his partner.
Naturally I asked if this was like catching the bouquet at a wedding. Are they next?
Speaking of nuptials …
Congratulations to Cat House (15 runs) and her new husband — whose name, after extensive crowd consultation, may or may not be “Two Putas de Denmark.”
If that is incorrect, we apologise.
If correct, we admire the branding.
Congratulations to the newlyweds!!
Somewhere along the glorious trail — yellow flowers, trickling rivers, sunshine, breeze, deep and meaningful conversations and dirt — I developed full Hash Amnesia.
It wasn’t until we were in the circle that I remembered I had volunteered to be scribe.
Selective cognitive participation.
At this point, I feel it is important to present some official analytics:
According to data modelling, morale peaked at 97.3% during beer distribution.
It dipped briefly to 62% when the hats box was opened.
Wind velocity: mildly aggressive.
Dog-to-hasher ratio: 0.41 — above industry average.
Hat-based biohazard probability: 38%, though observations suggest that may be conservative.
Overall Run Satisfaction Index: 9 out of 10, reduced only by warm down-down beer temperature anomalies.
You’re welcome.
Sir Flaky was RA and delivered chaos with songs, accusations and a decluttering session involving a box of his old hats.
Some hats had slogans. Some hats had history. Some hats had ecosystems.
Little Big Horn confirmed that at least one hat appeared self-sustaining.
From Behind (285 runs) was presented with a Saigon cap. However, due to structural interference from his ponytail, the cap refused full deployment. He was immediately reclassified as Miss Saigon, and heckling commenced at high volume.
Dipper got the circle up and moving and then escalated "Swing Low" into a fully committed dirty dance routine featuring gestures that would not pass community guidelines — including those of No Name Bobby.
Caca Maps (140 runs), newly 18, received his first properly horrible warm down-down beer.
He objected.
We explained that this is not a spa treatment.
It is punishment with foam.
Two Dogs Fucking (10 runs) was disgracefully omitted from the official award list.
Public wrap on the knuckles to the GM, Sandra Bollocks.
Justice has now been restored.
Sleeving occurred.
Bunny ears were deployed.
Anniversarios (Circled and Corrected)
Cathouse – 15 runs
Caca Maps – 140 runs
Blanca Wanka – 170 runs
Pepper Grinder – 185 runs
Five Knuckle Shuffle – 255 runs
From Behind – 285 runs
Colonic Irrigation – 650 runs
Two Dogs Fucking – 10 runs (administrative recovery)
Next Run
Next Sunday.
12 noon sharp. Montes de Málaga. Hare: Bloody Pinocchio. Forecast: Up Up. He likes his hills. Your calves have been notified.
Henriettas Notice
There will be a gathering of the Henriettas this Thursday night.
No penises allowed. No exceptions. No appeals. No satellite override.
Policy confirmed by No Name Bobby.
It was a fabulous run. Sunshine provided courtesy of the hares after months of rain. Yellow flowers everywhere. Rivers running. Much hilarity all round.
Thank you to Five Knuckle Shuffle (255 runs) and Colonic Irrigation (650 runs) for the trail, the weather package, and the beer.
On On.
Report compiled by Pisses Braidwee.
Edited by No Name Bobby.
Emotional maturity level: pending.
System now shutting down.
