Run 1772 - 24 October 2021

Hash Run 1772

Sunday 24 October 2021

The afternoon began well. A gorgeous sunny autumn day in marvellous Andalucia. Our destination

was Costa del Sol Hippodrome. A failed racecourse/white elephant where a reported €30 million

was lost.

We duly arrived and found nothing. (Memo to the genius who thought the best way, to welcome hashers

and visitors to a run was to hide directions behind a security wall. Duh! It doesn’t work! Stop this nonsense

and put a pin and run directions on the website home page where they belong!)

After stopping the car we navigated said security wall and failed to find a pin. Then we discovered

our destination was actually one of the car park terraces up a nearby hill.

This was a very special Hash Run. Jerry Can was celebrating 30 years of hashing. As was to be

expected he had chosen a perfect parking spot. Lots of space right next the run start. That space

filled rapidly as around 36 hashers arrived. The best attendance in recent memory showed the

respect and affection in which the living hash legend that is Jerry Can is held.

Your humble scribe, a vocal critic of the denialist cult that hijacked MH3 almost two years ago,

was astonished when asked by the GM to scribe this very special event. Our GM even promised

not to censor.

It is an honour.

What a joy it was to see so many hash families with children in attendance. A special welcome

back for Maria with her seal and two sons. (Memo to the poisonous grump who wrote "Note ...

hashing is an adult activity" on the website. Basta! Take it down now!)

A circle assembled. Our hares Lilo Lil and Jerry Can were introduced. Words were spoken. Then

the pack set off.

A relaxing 7km run was expected. The trail wandered up and down scrubby, treeless, gently

undulating hills. It veered in and out of urbanisation streets and in places featured uncomfortably

long spaces between blobs. Carefully placed to cause maximum confusion.

A macho trail was promised and delivered. Though to this scribe it appeared to go up a hill only to

curve right back down again to rejoin the regular trail.

Some fiendish deviations led the pack through prickle lined bamboo tunnels and several narrow

paths featuring closely spaced skin piercing scrub.

Then, just like that, we emerged from scrub right into the beer stop. Everything perfectly arranged.

Drinks and food ready. This being a special occasion we were blessed with special beer stop

treats. Hand made chocolates and sweets. Yummy. Thank you hares.

Now we were tasked with working up a thirst. Up we went, and up and up along curving dusty

roads with frequent excursions into scrub. Some Harriets, chatting happily, wandered off.

Oblivious to markings.

Racecourse spotlight towers guided us home over two medium hills and we were back. All in all a

generally uneventful trail. Jerry Can wanted everyone to reach the OnOn in good shape.

The circle started well with hashers comfortably seated under glorious afternoon sunshine.

Beverages were served. Supplemented by Cava from multiple sources. Blanca Wanka generously

shared her prize bottle of Cava (see Hash Run 1771) followed by the first of many Cavas

sponsored by Jerry Can.

Our GM processed Hash business. Mea culpa I can’t remember. A few down downs. Whatever.

Then it was time for the headline act. Cardinal Colonic. In your scribe’s option Cardinal Colonic is

a far superior performer to Adolf Colonic. Perhaps the rumours that Adolf Colonic is to be retired

are true. One can only hope.

Today the Cardinal seemed out of sorts. A bit snippy and grumpy. Not at the top of his game at

all. Perhaps this set of affairs was not unconnected to his dearly beloved being away in Moscow

(Editors note: Moscow has a population of around 12 million, half of whom are men)

Showtime. Stools with ice cushions were placed. Assorted delinquents were reprimanded and

iced. Some chose to sit on a dry cardboard tube.

Cardinal C. congratulated the

hares on the fine choice of view

enjoyed by seated hashers.

Said view being entirely blocked

by another bunch of seated

hashers.

Then the Cardinal lost it.

He has recently tended towards the dictatorial. Obsessing over seating positions and how

hashers choose to hold their refreshing beverages. With an explosion of poorly directed verbal

violence he terrified a 4 year old girl who promptly burst into tears.

The Hash died of shame.

This was just dreadful.

(Note: Could we have our witty Colonic with his barbed razor sharp humour back please.)

Just then the true generous nature of the Hash went on full display as hashers rushed to calm and

reassure the little girl. She was soon fine and dandy.

Moving along, a plot began to unfold. Wise as ever, Jerry Can sensed that somebody might try to

subject him to some form of unwanted ritual humiliation. He had a lot on his plate this day. Full

hare duties, beer stop and special hosting arrangements for the OnOn. He explicitly asked for this

not to happen.

The Cardinal appeared with a large bag of flour, around 5kg, and the humiliation began. The idea

being to get Jerry Can to lift and lower the bag until his arms were tired. At some point the bag

would be breached and 5kg of flour dumped over our hare and OnOn host.

Now, dear reader, recall that Jerry Can had specifically requested no humiliation. No means no,

except in the cultist world of impunity when it doesn’t.

Meantime our GM had armed himself with a razor sharp boxcutter and quietly worked his way

behind Jerry Can. While a boxcutter may sound benign older readers will recall that on 9/11

boxcutters were used to hijack 5 airliners. Thousands died.

Picture the scene. We have a man with his hands above his head clutching a heavy bag nervously

expecting an outcome he does not want. Within a few centimetres multiple vulnerable body parts

are at risk. Arteries, eyes, ears and neck.

Suddenly the GM lunged intending to slash the flour bag and achieve his desired outcome. He

cannot know how Jerry Can will react. Razor sharp weapon, unpredictable victim. This could not

and did not end well.

Jerry Can sensed what was coming and began to dodge. The deadly blade in full forward motion

with the modest weigh of our GM behind it missed the flour bag completely and plunged into soft

flesh at the base of Jerry Can’s thumb. Bright red blood mingled with white flour.

Jerry Can went pale. Multiple hasher jaws dropped to the floor. Somebody called for the first aid

kit. It could not be found.

Just think for a moment, how badly this could have gone. Neck and wrist arteries were millimetres

away. “I’m sorry your honour I know I had a razor sharp weapon in my hand but I never intended

to hurt anybody”. The words for this, dear reader, are “recklessly indifferent”. Words the cultists

may wish to consider.

As Jerry Can, assisted by numerous concerned hashers, sought

to save his thumb and staunch blood loss the Cardinal noted there

was no lost thumb, it was on the ground somewhere in a heap of

flour.

The circle staggered to a subdued close with karma evidenced by

several kg of flour being dumped over our GM.

Kudos to Jerry Can for maintaining magnificent composure and

showing what a generous good sport he is. A true lion of the

Hash.

Last on the order of business was the announcement of next weeks Hash. An away day jaunt to

somewhere in the Guadalhorce Valley. Your committee are laying on coach transport from

Fuengirola. Unfortunately, even after the drunken shambles of last year, cultists still think they are

exempt from health measures applicable on public transport throughout Spain. Please think of

others and wear your masks.

Next stop Pura Asia for an On On generously (and yes still) subsidised by Jerry Can. He appeared

in remarkably good spirits with a heavily bandaged, more or less intact, thumb.

A very high OnOn turnout of 24ish hashers celebrated Jerry Can’s 30 years of hashing. His credit

card was regularly flexed as wine and Cava kept flowing.

For him it all started in the Bahamas in 1991. We were invited to guess how many runs Jerry had

completed and in how many countries. Total run number was, I think, 1275 with a bottle of

Pacharan going to just Just Amelia. French Connection won a second bottle by correctly guessing

25 countries. However, it must be said that by the end of the evening Jerry Can was wondering

whether he had counted Barbados.

Much food was served and consumed. Pura Asia, as always, did not disappoint. Even more food

was packed away in doggie bags for later consumption.

Hashers were thrilled to bits when Jerry Can announced Corporal and Mrs Flakey had generously

loosened the hash purse strings and approved the purchase of another bottle of Pacharan.

As the event drew to a close on

a memorable, in more ways

than one, day our GM, mortified

beyond belief, gently shook

hands with a truly, generously

magnanimous Jerry Can.

Blood began oozing though a

fresh white bandage….

Hashers wandered off into the

night reflecting on how, with

lions in their midst, they had

ended up with donkeys.

Your Scribe

CB