Run 1760 - 01 August 2021
Scribe Speed Bumps hindered by Cross Dresser.
Hares Up Yer Bum Dogs Bollox
Number of Hashers 13
Run Number 1760
Date 1st August 2021
Location La Cala
Virgins none
Visitors none
Run Score 9.8
Anniversaries Cross Dresser 15 runs Karma Chameleon 480
Report
Where do I start…
Dogs Bollocks and Up Yer Bumb decided to give a good go to take over the crown of our beloved Queen of Trails in an area where the Hashers have covered every single square centimetre of the ground possible. The well thought out bate was the cheese and cava to attract attendants.
The few hapless hashers who were sad enough to turn up, numbered an almighty and unlucky 13.
These saddos decided to tackle this Run well into the Sunday’s afternoon despite the teasing beaches and the swimming pools of the Coast.
After an initial excuse for a circle, the unorganised rabble wondered off pretending they knew what they were doing.
The initial instruction of Up Yer Bumb stating that if you are on flour you are on trail and that there will be no falsies, turned out to be a red herring... ice the bitch!
Making part of the Hash history, Sweet and Low found herself a front runner and pushing other hashers away from her achievement including 911 who was told to F. off and check if there was flour somewhere else.
Our returner El Cid, doing a sterling job trying during the first half to keep all the hashers out of mischief by using his police whistle to the annoyance or amusement of the group.
Urine was heard to mumble if anyone would be interested to see that whistle pushed up his arse, Cross Dresser replied that he thought it already was!!
In the mean time, Mr Caca Pants, was running around like a headless chicken trying to locate any kind of sign to get to the beer.... at this time, we could have swapped his sibling’s name Where is the off switch!
Eventually the hashers using no more than their 5th sense and the smell of warm beer pointed them in the correct direction towards an almost vertical descent towards the beer stop.
Whilst the hashers quenched their thirst, drank and eat like pigs. We found out that Caca Pants had been challenged not to swear until his birthday and his reward would be his Dads old Shite-Phone... I mean I-phone as he was upgrading... this was challenged by threatening him to quick him in the nuts... did not work so far!
A disgraceful revelation came to light when Speed Bumps discovered in a post that leaked into shitebook by our beloved Claudia Shaver, that half of the normal Hash group including next weeks hares where on the piss in a campo do... cheating bastards! We, of course replied in the news feed with our middle fingers up in a photo. May the ice melt in your butts!
We conquered another Hash record as the longest beer stop up to the time when Dogsy asked if anyone would like to finish the run??? As there was no phone signal to get any ubers nor how to say 100 in Welsh... Mr Cross Dresser interrupted again stating that that was in fact racist and not fair as the Welsh have not yet invented numbers up to 100.
So, fuelled on warm beer (the ice was absent), cheese, cava, fruit, crisps, shite, etc wandered off to find the on in markings.
El Cid, at this point, decided the pack should feel sorry for him, deliberately twisting his ankle during a break dancing move never seen outside the world championships. He hobbled along looking for sympathy but with no luck and to everyone’s delight, he could no longer blow his police whistle!!
Back at the circle, we found Sweet and Low, singing on her own Why am I waiting, I could be masturbating, why I am waiting so f...ing... loooong. She claimed that she did Smart Hashing (new word for short cutting).
A half arsed anarchy rained circle ensued with Cava down downs as an attempt to break traditions was held.
With their tails between their legs, the hairs from next week arrived to the scene to freeload with Cava and the rest of the banquet – Queen of Trails was foot iced alongside Golden Cascade in a cooler in a show that you would not pay for in porn-hub.
A new star was born – UrIne made a perfect GM impersonation which must have upset Karma chameleon as he stomped off and watched the event through the window of his car.
The circle also included marking the run with some dodgy maths which somehow came out to 9.8. Anniversaries Cross Dresser 15 runs, Karma Chameleon 480 runs and returners, Sweet and Low, 911 and El Cid.
The circle was finally closed with Dogsie announcing that there was not really an ONONON but you could have a Chinese with him and UYB if you really wanted to!!
