Run - 1802 - 15th May 2022 AGM Run

May 16

Written By 5KS

The AGM (and almost a divorce) Hash

Run: 1802

Date: 15/5/2022

Location: Torreblanca

Hares: Gang Bang and Cardinal Colonic Irrigation

Visitors: 0

Virgins: 0

Anniversarios: Gang Bang 400, From Behind 145

Score: 9.5

It may only have been two months since our Hash lurve birds exchanged their vows at their lavish Hash wedding, but haring together almost meant divorce. The old Hash saying, ‘Those who hare together, stay together’ almost came undone, as Hashers arrived at the car park to find Cardinal Chronic Irritation stomping around muttering about a divorce and Gang Bang skulking in the car (and not, as some suggested, popped off and buried somewhere on trail by her loving Hash hubby). But panic not, those of you that like a happy fairy tale Hash ending, as the hares were sat together and speaking again by the time the Hashers arrived for their delicious curry on on. Anyway, enough of their almost divorce, let’s get onto the Hash that almost caused such a calamitous event.

Outgoing GM, Kindergarden Cop, welcomed the Hashers, thanked the outgoing committee and introduced the new committee, which seemed like a cast of thousands. For anyone who can be arsed to read to the end of this scribe, the new committee members are listed there.

New GM, Sandra Bollox, took over and started to whip the Hashers into shape with her ruthless efficiency, but more about that later.

So, the Hash …

It wasn’t far into the macho trail when the machos realised why Gang Bang was worried she’d be getting the coveted Hash Shit award. This was not a Hash. It was an army assault course, with high walls to climb and jump off, padlocked gates to scale and sharp wire fences to crawl under. There were plenty of rips to both skin and clothes. However, the fearless machos survived and soon arrived at the beer stop, thanks to the wonderful wimp STTI who had marked the splits and checks further up the trail. She would be punished for this misdemeanour in the circle later. It was a hot, sunny day, so beer, cava and softies were guzzled and a much more wimp-friendly trail led the Hashers back to the car park.

Sandra Bollox circled up the Hashers and immediately ordered the old farts in chairs to uncross their legs. Terrified, they quickly complied. The hares were awarded a most excellent score of 9.5 and Gang Bang and From Behind were called in for anniversarios of 400 and 145 respectively. Get a life, guys!

There were no virgins or visitors, so it was soon time for old/new Assistant RA (Arch Dickon), From Behind. He was so hungover that he’d forgotten his notebook, so the Hashers thought they’d get off lightly … but no!

First to be called in were the hares, Cardinal Chronic Irritation and Gang Bang. Plus the absent hare, Blanka Wanka, who had been swanning around Marseille with the French Riviera Hash and was therefore too busy to help with the recce. (In poor Blanka’s defence, she did point this slight issue out when she agreed to co-hare). Well done, CCI for stepping in. Hopefully your kind action won’t lead to divorce.

Next in was Caca Pants who had kindly helped several old fart machos over a wire fence. Unfortunately, he let go of the wire whilst still straddling it, and his pained expression suggested that this Brady Bunch kid will never be reproducing Brady Bunch grandkids.

The latecomers (Red Hot Chilli, Roger the Cabin Boy, Aqua Sex and Barky) were punished for their lax timekeeping and inability to use GoogleMaps.

Super Pooper sat on the ice to celebrate his birthday. Luckily for him, there was a flour shortage and he instead got doused with crisps.

CCI was given the arm. He’d obviously drank from it zillions of times before as he executed the move to almost perfection, although he did look a bit rabid as he foamed at the mouth with the espuma.

It had been the Eurovision Song Contest the night before, which Just In Case (being Dutch) was desperate to celebrate. Spain had come third, so Golden Cascades was challenged to sing the Spanish national anthem (yep, the one with no words). The UK had somehow managed to achieve second place instead of their usual ‘nul points’ yet neither Roger the Cabin Boy nor CCI were able to sing the runner-up’s song. Unsurprisingly, Ukraine came first and Cabin Boy, wearing a Ukrainian ribbon, was challenged to sing their entry, at which he failed miserably. Germany came in last place and in the absence of any Germans, Danish Sir Rubber Turd was called in to perform. What a talentless bunch of Hashers Mijas H3 possesses!

To finish the circle, the Hashers were asked for any further snitches. Immediately, Achy Breaky Heart’s hand shot up. Her parents looked suitably horrified. What salacious Brady Bunch secrets would she spill this time? Thankfully, nothing as explosive as last time. Just Caca Pants pressing a panic button and some slightly incestuous mother and daughter bonding in the bedroom. Phew!

On on to the Queen of Trails Just Say When’s Hash next Sunday, which for sure will be another army-like assault course!

New Committee:

GM: Sandra Bollox

Assistant GM: Kindergarden Cop

RA: Cardinal Colonic Irrigation

Arch Dickon: From Behind

Hash Cash: Golden Cascades

Assistant Hash Cash 1: Pisterbradwee

Assistant Hash Cash 2: Jerry Can

Web Meister: Five Knuckle Shuffle

Hare Line: STTI

Assistant Hare Line: French Erections