Run - 2007 - 1st March 2026
Check out this trail from @Wikiloc! https://loc.wiki/t/252631970?h=3z5ldgy8pq&wa=sd&la=en (Mijas H3 run # 2007 RHT & Sperm Aid.)
Deja Vu or Dementia?
Hash score: 9.3
Cake score: 9.8
I thought best to compose this hash sheet in my head, while our ON ON Teppanyaki chef was macheting eggs mid-air. Lest we forget, to jog the memory, as no one jogged on this hash.
Arriving at the circle, there was a vague sense of familiarity. This week’s circle looked exactly the same as their last one. Was it a new trail? Or have we done this before?
The hares, Ruberher Turd & Spermaid insisted it was new. Some hashers insisted we’ve done it before. No one could prove either way.
Visitors Surgical Spirit, Masterbator, Jump Start and Malfunction, names that gave a clue to the type of hash in store for the rest of us.
Our virgins Just Andy, Emma and Hazel were unaware that this was the last normal day of their lives.
They were welcomed in the traditional Mijas way: gently, respectfully with a song “We’ve got virgins on our hash…gonna get 'em fucked up”....
Our Jersey returner had not hashed for over 30 years... having long forgotten how to get to a circle.
And off we set toward the Benalmádena mountains. Uphill complaints drifted down into the valley I could hear them from the back as I was taking it easy.
Crooner was taking it easier, openly searching for Uber on his phone.
The trail climbed and climbed up what can only be described as a tarmac mountain. There was plenty of chalk,
Luckily for the rest of us, there were also plenty of flowers.
Were there flowers last time? What the hell....If we’ve done this trail before, we’ll do it again.
And if we haven’t ..we won’t remember anyway.
Today was less a run and more a memory test. One that none of us passed, especially the hares who walk these high altitude streets everyday.
Rick o’Shea confused me with a tale of various Alisons.. Alison of the 60th birthday, Alison Blanca Wanka, and me Alison... which led to an existential crisis halfway up the hill.
At one point he expressed concern he might fall and 'look like me.' I’m still not sure if he meant the hangover, the black eyes, or dementia. On this hash, it makes no difference.
BS = ( Bodily Salvation) was reached, after cardiac and respiratory challenges. At the Beer Stop we sampled the most delicious coconut cake, courtesy of our fair maiden, Spermaid. It was washed down with cava and beer.
The cake, once again, outperformed the hares.
Sir Flakey wanted to know how, in Gispert’s name, two hares with over 900 combined Mijas runs between them could keep sending us up the same hill with the same chalk.
Back at the circle, a banana was produced. Piss Pot became the demonstration model. STTI asked him, “How does your girlfriend eat a banana?” We learned more than we wanted to and the banana did not survive.
I was brought into the circle sporting two black eyes. My version: slipped in the shower. Alternate version: head in the toilet bowl.
Crooner’s version: “She didn’t put enough sugar in my tea.”
The jury remains out and I am apparently to be renamed Smackadelic.
Two harriettes who had been exchanging perfume, identities, or possibly spouses. The jury is out on that too. They got a down-down anyway.
Two Dogs Fucking received applause for not losing her microphone this week....growth is important.
The circle concluded with a roaring chorus of “Happiness, happiness…” Colonic Irrigation proudly declaring: “I’ve got the biggest happiness…”
Which frankly, no one disputed.
Proof that hashing is a long term condition, and we celebrated the anniversarios:
Piss Pot = 10 runs
Still technically salvageable.
Belgian Milf = 60 runs
That many and still smiling! Suspicious.
Pisster Bradwee = 80 runs
And still climbing the same hill.
Pause Button = 100 runs
Legend in the making and earned a badge of honour.
Ginger Minge = 105 runs
Proof that ginger endurance is real.
Bloody Pinocchio = 165 runs
Claims it was only twenty. Nose suggests otherwise.
Smackadelic = 280 runs
Nearly 300 runs of questionable decisions.
Just In = 285 runs
Always just in. Rarely on time.
Spermaid = 405 runs
Is baking preferable to haring? Asking for a friend.
Collectively, that’s well over a thousand runs of experience, wisdom… and absolutely no behavioural improvement.
My final thought after the chef threw food at us; who cares if we’ve done this route before, we are a perfectly dysfunctional family committed to repeating ourselves.
And next week? We’ll probably climb the same hill again.
ON ON
Smackadelic.
PS. I just remembered...
Crooner 19 and I are haring next week in Fuengirola. It is International Women's Day which means HE will be wearing my dress... For the men on the hash, this is a chance to get in touch with your feminine side and embrace that make up. Handbags at the ready!
Before that though.. Make a note: Frinking Friday and check the WhatsApp group.
