Run 1752 - 12 June 2021

              Windy North Face, Dead and Alive Cow Run

Date:                                     12th June 2021 Saturday

Hares:                                   Stiffanny / Gangbang

Location:                             Tarife Gourmet Glampout Weekend,  Hotel Meson De Sancho

Virgins:                                  4

Visitors:                              8

Returners:                          10

Number of Runners:      62

Anniversaries:                 Stiffanny                               510

                                                Jerry Can                             240

                                                Semen Stains                     220

                                                Chicken George                 50

                                                Chocolate Starfish             50

Run Score:                          9.5

The eager, most without a hangover, Hounds formed a circle around the pool area of the Hotel De Sancho, and swiftly set off to follow the trail set by the Hares who had said the first 5km were mainly uphill. Well that was an understatement the macho trail was like climbing the north face of the Eiger! Unfortunately we did not have the aid of climbing ropes or harnesses. It was hot and humid and the Hounds soon became silent with concentration. I had in mind that song ‘The only way is up’ but it was a grueling, long hike uphill through brambles and spikey bushes. Half way up the mountain there was a skeleton of a cow, Rusky Pusky was taken aback by this and asked Budgie if there were wolves in the area as she thought she had heard some the night before!!!  (What is it with these Ruskies?) Eventually the windy summit was reached to everyone’s relief. There was a welcome Tinto Verano stop up there where the Hares flopped down to enjoy a tipple and breath-taking views  before moving onto a somewhat hazardous climb down.

After a particularly nasty downward part, Kindergarten Cop (our Hash GM) took a wrong turn at a check and was followed by a number of Hounds who soon realised they were not on flour so turned back to find the correct trail. Kindergarten Cop however, ran on regardless and was never to be seen again until we got back to the Hotel.  

The next challenge for the hounds came when they encountered a whole herd of cows, big, with horns (on their heads, not a boner)  grazing in the grass and one right in the middle of the Hashers path.  Many Hounds showed their Bovinophobia at this point and cowered beside those Hounds more experienced with our bovine friends.  Eventually all the Hounds passed through and made their way to the much needed Beer Stop which was in a pleasant area next to the river under the cool shade of trees. However it was soon realised that some of our Hounds were missing and Out Dogging was asking if anyone had seen Budgie, Colonic Irrigation asked her if she had an insurance policy and the premiums were up to date! Considering this Out Dogging rubbed her hands together in a miserly way. However all this was forgotten when a straggling Budgie was spotted turning the corner to the Beer Stop (revealing his smugglers) followed by an equally haggered French Erection!  There was a tremendous sense of achievement amongst the group particularly those who were either newcomers or returners, however tension mounted when the Hashers were told to On On for the second half of the run as they knew it was about the same amount of distance as the first half.

The second half was just as challenging with lots of pricks (the bushy kind) and rough stony ground, with a very steep incline towards the end, when the Hounds were out of energy and gasping to get back for a Beer in the circle.

The circle was formed around the pool where Kindergaten Cop appeared again and started proceedings and announced anniversaries, and took everyone’s score on the run. By this time the Hounds had forgotten the exhausting previous two hours on the run and were euphoric that they had survived it, so scores were probably over inflated by their excitement.

Colonic Irrigation, our RA was asked to take over and dressed in his Caesar regalia began the process of handing out punishment to those Hash infringers either by sitting on ice, or in this case warm water, or just down down beer drinking.

Infringements were:

Shaggy – asked to explain how you get shingles through wearing flip flops, which she was unable to justify so received even more punishment. Unreal!

Rubber Turd – for having the hangover from hell, vomiting and everything, through drinking 0.0 gin (allegedly) the previous night. So bad was he that he started the run but had to turn back because he felt so ill. Staggering!

Cardinal Sin – for his head being in the wrong place when Sir Flaky pulled the door to the Burro Bar Kitchen closed after breakfast resulting in a nasty gash. Unfortunate!

Gang Bang – for asking Colonic Irrigation what time her run was on Saturday when she was one of the Hares!! Beyond belief!

Russians – for being Russian (or American) and talking backwards. Understandable!

Budgie – for his late night skinny dip, traumatising Golden Cascade, who said she was shocked that anyone had a penis so small it could hide behind a pubic hair. Astonishing!

Messy Farty and Frilly Knickers – who whilst serving in the Burro Bar told some newcomers to ‘Fuck off and get your own beer’.  Unthinkable!

Swiss (Maybe German) Visitor and Blanca Wanker -for snogging in an L shaped position for a lengthy period of 8 minutes which they were duly asked to demonstrate.  Outstanding!

Sir Flaky and Stiffanny – for nearly coming to blows over setting the Hash run. Spectacular!

Dipper and Radio Kaka – who were asked to demonstrate a previous game played at another camp out which involved gyrating against each other to enable a pump to blow up a condom until it burst.  Dipper seemed to particularly enjoy this activity and Gobbychov (his Russian/ American Wife) said this was because he had now had more practice. Questionable!

Just Say When – for not rubbing out check arrows to help those Hounds behind her, selfish cow!

Kindergarten Cop – for the now obvious infringement of not following the correct trail and making his own way back to camp. Inconceivable!

Finally, Kindergarten Cop took over again and ceremoniously conferred the devine office of Cardinal upon Colonic Irrigation. So henceforth he would be known as His Most Reverend Eminance the Worshipful Cardinal Colonic Irrigation (with the large FALSE penis) bit of a long title but FYI he can be addressed as Cardinal Colonic for future reference or your worship will surfice. A breathtakingly emotional experience for all the Hashers in the circle.

Off to the On On in the Burro Bar where light bites and sophisticated drinks were served until midnight.

Your scribe

Out Dogging